The Faint Smell of Burning Toast

AM

Since the fire on Monday, our apartment has smelt like burning toast. The mornings though, have been freezing and early on Wednesday morning, I noticed that the hills toward Mount Kongo were dusted in snow. Once again, it's as if a switch has been flipped from Autumn to Winter in an instant. Incredibly, the number of women wearing real fur seems to be in plague proportions. It is striking, how despite global opinion, Japanese people seem to be happy and confident enough to do whatever takes their fancy. Again on Wednesday morning, I read a Japan Rail travel advertisement for Tohoku that included a bowl of whale blubber soup as one of its attractions. Later the same morning, I spoke to three women about eating whale meat and they professed that it's smell made their stomachs turn - as school kids they had all been fed a steady diet of cetecean flesh for lunch. On a more boring note, this morning was essentially ruined by a trip to the immigration bureau. Although I got my three year visa smoothly, the sight of the 'crats wading through the overheated room a snails pace made my skin crawl. At least I won't have to go back for a while.

PM

The freezing gale that buffeted my trip home on Thursday night, was a crushing addition to my doldrums after finding that Brutal Truth had begun playing just as I clocked off at Nakamozu. All afternoon, I had been cold to the bone. Unusally, the school was barely heated, probably in an attempt to save money. As the year draws to a close, the business at work seems to be waning, and as a result, folding promotional flyers has again become a fixture to my days. A rare highlight on Thursday was being asked what I found embarrassing about Japan. I'm still not sure what the question actually meant, but my reply included the fact that nude bathing is reserved for oddballs in Australia. It's probably another example of Japan's collective neurosis that people are happy enough to show the world everything on the outside but nothing of their inner lives. Frustratingly fascinating.

Vinegar and Milk

AM

The AMs of this week have been characterised by cool crisp mornings. Not quite cold enough to be interesting, but cold enough to make it extremely difficult to get out of bed. My Sunday morning was destroyed by a hangover caused by a misadventure in the PM hours of Saturday. At 11:45am, I opted for a Family Mart cure in which I included the greasiest food items I could procure. The crumbed chicken on rice set, had a hangover-fighting layer of skin wedged in between the flesh and the oiled crumbs. The FamiChiki [ファミチキ] (right), was from the thigh of the bird, heavily crumbed and deep deep fried - one bite sent a torrent of oils down my hand. With a bottle of Pocari Sweat, the cure worked to a degree - I didn't die. In my delerium though, I bought a strange drink, for the sole reason that it was strange. The words Vinegar and Milk (right) shouted at me from the fridge and for some reason, I bought it and for some other reason, it would haunt me later in the PM hours.




PM

By 7:00pm, I was sufficiently recovered to think about heading next door for a meal of fajitas. The  fajitas were just what I needed to seal my health. In fact, they continued the chickeny theme of the day by including some very well seasoned breast meat. Soon, the meal turned into a game of UNO, and the card game became a college-esque drinking game - the draw four was a nightmare. Because I was still convelescing from my Takoyaki Party* -induced illness, I chose not to drink. To be polite, though, and to give me a reason to play cards to win, I fetched my bottle of Vinegar and Milk to sit in as my poison. Although it had been sitting on my desk for seven hours, it wasn't curdled. It's flavour immediately took me back to time when I've 'licked the spoon' only to find the mixture was for some sour lemon tart - horrifying. For about two hours I grimaced through the drink, and despite all my hopes, it actually got worse with every sip. When I had finally finished I chose a 16 vegetable drink for my next project. It wasn't much better.

________________________________
* The takoyaki party was held at my Nakamozu School in the PM of Saturday. The main damage was done by tequila and whiskey  - the reason I drank these is still unknown. I still shudder.

Helmets and Wigs

AM

At 9:50am, I cut and toasted two of the six bagels I bought yesterday from Bagel & Bagel at Namba Parks. Undoubtedly, this was the highlight of the morning, although the two deliveries for Rosie from Amazon did add some interest to an otherwise standard morning. Crucially, though, it wasn't rainy, allowing me to complete the drudgery of visiting the dry-cleaners to pick up a pair of pants that were well overdue for a wash. On the way home, I was struck by the number of babies on bikes that were helmetless - crazy!




PM

By 2:50pm, I was on my way out to work at Yao which sits  at the base of the Ikoma mountains and no doubt quake prone. The stinking heat of the tram barely distracted my from the woman in designer clothes, snorting up her snot like a five-year old. At least she wasn't coughing uncovered like everyone else. It's only a matter of time before the swine flu strikes now - hopefully before the Christmas break. The comical highlight of the Yao voyage was clearly the old man wearing a jet-black Elvis toupe. It is impossible to imagine that he though no-one would notice - maybe he just likes the look. I wish I was rude enough to have taken a photo but the file photo right appears to show the identical model.

The Return of AMPM

Sunday 7th of December 2009

After a wildly busy November, I have finally decided to bring back AMPM as an almost daily record of my lull in Japan. Although the format is sligtly simplified, I will still attempt to write about both the moments of interest and the drudgeries of my life here.

AM

At about 11:20am, Rosie and I walked down to the station on a mission to complete our christmas shopping in one day. The highlight of the train trip was a lunatic having an apparently sensible conversation with his reflection. As I feared, the shops were packed with parents and grandparents buying gifts with as much or more fever as in Melbourne. In the sprawling Toys R Us, parents were carrying trains, puzzles, computer games, dolls and unicycles. Despite this chaos, it was the stifling heat inside which characterised my morning. Although is was chilly outside at around 10C, inside must've been approaching 30. Everytime I, walked into a shop, I had to remove my jacket, lest the sweaty memories of the Osakan summer returned. At the end of a couple of hours, the shopping was finished for another year - I just hope the parcels arrive in Australia in time.

PM

By 6:10pm, after an afternoon of wrapping gifts and dozing under the heater, I settled on my plan for the evening meal. I made a sukiyaki-style broth then added vegetables, tofu and noodles. Despite the distinct lack of meat, it was actually very successful in terms of taste. The sugar in sukiyaki, makes it completely more-ish and probably very unhealthy but it would be unthinkable to leave it out. The night was made even better by a few episodes of Battlestar Galactica which is getting almost as addictive as the sukuyaki broth. By about 10:30pm, my drowsiness was only stifled by the  constant wailing of fire sirens outside - I'm not sure exactly where they were off to, but it seemed pretty close. Deadly fires appear to be too common in Japan.

Broadcasting Will Resume Shortly

AMPM is taking a short break to re-energize. AMPM will return soon.

D.

Beans and Boars in Sasayama

AM

Least: At 10:01am, I had to face the drudgery of calling in sick. The awkward conversation lasted only a few minutes, but after being put on hold a couple of times it seemed to last an hour. At least I felt much better knowing that I didn't have to work today - it's amazing what a day off can do.

Most: By 11:50am, I was speeding through the mountains with my mum, towards Sasayama, about 70km northwest of Osaka. The trees in the mountains were well on the way to their Autumn hues and the landscape was spectacular. The only downside were the long tunnels which took away the views just as quickly as they appeared. A great trip.


PM

Least: Just after 5:00pm, I was beset with a nagging headache. It could've been a lack of coffee, simple dehydration again or the towering beer that I had for lunch with my sukiyaki. Either way, it made the last leg of my journey home twice as boring as it otherwise might've been.

Most: At about 12:45pm, we arrived at the smallish town of Sasayama. After reading about the town in a local English magazine, we thought it might be a good day trip. The town had lots of small interesting shops, food stalls and the ruins of a castle that was built in 1609. The town is famed for its black beans and wild boar - many taxidermied versions of the latter adorned almost every restaurant. For lunch though, we tried the local beef and it was spectacular. As the only Europeans in town, numerous people came up to us and said hello - a really friendly and interesting town off the Lonely Planet map.

Lost in Umeda

Sunday 8th November 2009

AM

Least: At nearly 8:30am, my eyes opened to find that I had a serious hangover. The mixture of beer,chu-hi and champagne took its toll and gave me a searing headache. The shock of seeing my mother sitting on my couch last night was a sobering experience and hid the real level of drunkeness that I had attained at the takoyaki party. I just wish the reminder was a faint memory rather than a stinking headache.

Most: At 8:31am, despite my confusion and headache, it came back to me that mum had made a surprise visit and was snoring on the couch. It's weird how time seems to compress when people so familiar tunr up. It seems like yesterday, when Mum and Dad were here in February, or when I was eating roast lamb in August. I make Mum poached eggs on toast for breakfast and we ate while trying to decide what to do for the day.

PM

Least: Just after 1:00pm, I, with Rosie and Mum, was once again stumbling around, lost in Umeda trying to find the Sky Building. It is such a warren that even above ground it is almost impossible to confidently navigate the area. The problem is, that every corner looks the same and that after making any turn, any familiar landmarks immediately disappear. When I finally spotted the sky building, it was still a long walk away - they must have found some cheap land to build it on, because it's off by itself with little around it. Signs please.

Most: At about 1:20pm, as we ascended the Umeda Sky Building, Mum screamed at the glass lift rocketed up forty floors. By the time we were on the escalators that cross the building, Mum was very giddy. From the top of the tower, the familiar smog hid the horizon. Although this was my second visit to the building, the view still amazed me. The density of the city is incredibly and it seems to fill every possible area for building. Despite the agony of finding the place, it was worth the walk.

The Surprise Part II

Saturday 7th November 2009

AM

Least: At nearly 11:00am, I sat down at work with tweny-five minutes to kill. I had arrived in Wakayama at 10:31am, a full three quarters of an hour before I have to clock in. Because of the train timetable on the JR Hanwa line, if I get a later train to attrive at 11:05am, I have to wait at least twenty minutes on the platform at Hineno. Boring - almost ads boring as discussing train timetables.

Most: At about 10:20am, as my train exited the last tunnel of my journey, I could see that the mountains were quickly changing colour. Many of the leaves of the trees have begun to turn, slowly creating a spectacular backdrop to an otherwise boring train ride. Hopefully in a couple of weeks the Autumn colours will be on full show - I'd better get some photos.


PM

Least: At just after 8:00pm, the first searing ball that I picked up for the night at the Sakai-Higashi takoyaki party rolled down my shirt-front. Given that it was drenched in delicious brown sauce, I wasn't surprising that it left a similarly delicious train down my front. It was embarrassing, though luckily I wasn't wearing a tie. By the end of the party, I was swaying with beer and looked like a complete wreck with the stain giving added effect.

Most: At nearly 11:00pm, I staggered up the stairs and opened the front door. To my absolute astonishment, my mother was sitting on the couch and had arrived earlier that evening. Given that I was completely unaware of the conspiracy, I could barely believe my eyes and had to look twice to check that it wasn't some kind of hallucination. Rosie had known for a week and kept the big secret under wraps perfectly. We celebrated with some chanpagne - what a nice surprise!

What's That Smell?

Friday 6th November 2009

AM

Least: At about 11:50am, my senses were attacked by an intense rotten egg smell coming from outside. This is the second time that I have been grievously assaulted by this particular odour and I am yet to come up with any theories about its source. I am refraining from naming it as the fourth bad small of Japan - but another attack could just bring it into contention.

Most: At nearly 6:00am, I was woken by the simple fact that I was cold. It is amazing how quickly the morning have gotten cold. Once again it is as if the govenment has flicked a weather switch. The brutality of the summer seems to have erased the memory of cold mornings in Japan, but this morning they started coming back.

PM

Least: At nearly 11:00pm, I realized that I was a number of days behind on the AMPM blog. To save the pain of rifling through my memory for events of days gone by, I will soon have to begin taking notes. The danger is though, that I will look and feel like one of those people who annoyed my so much in Clifton Hill.

Most: At about 1:00pm, I was finally admitted into the world of the point card. After buying a smallish item of electronics at LABI I was offered, an recieved a point card. At the instruction of the staff, I inserted it into a poker-like machine and watched the pictures spin. I won a 10 yen bonus. A little disappointing, but I feel it could be the start of something big,

Puffer Fish Lunch

Thursday 5th November 2009

AM

Least: At about 10:20am, I finally got out of bed after hitting the snooze button so many many times that the alarm simply gave up. I'm not sure if it was the early day yesterday, but today I felt exhausted. I might have to invest in a series of alarms, each with an increasing volume that will force me out of bed early.

Most: At nearly 11:45am, I rode through Tezukayama on my way to Life supermarket. A huge (and previously mentioned) white house that I often ride past, has finally been completed and appears to have occupants. The ultra modern building, has been tempered with a small garden on one side. The garden has a moss lawn and a few small trees. The interesting feature though, are some obviously ancient stone water features that help make the house accepably Japanese. I just wished I lived there. (photo right)

PM

Least: At 2:35pm, as I walked into work at Nakamozu, it became obvious that the week had dragged on for too long. The overdose on Halloween festivities probably didn't help, and the day off on Tuesday made it feel like ages since I'd walked through the glass doors of the school. It is strange how time plays tricks, both flying by and dragging at the same time.

Most: At about 1:00pm, I sat down to a plate of Puffer Fish sashimi (Fugu). I'd bought it at the supermarket, attracted by the picture of the deadly fish on the label. Given its notoriety it was a little exciting to taste the flesh for the fisrt time. It had a very delicate flavour, but was delicious. It came with a small sachet of soy sauce, a spicy sauce and chopped spring onions. For a supermarket meal, it was amazing (see photo top). I was left with a numb mouth for a few hours, but otherwise I was unaffected and remained alive to tell the tale. Apparently recently, Japanese scientists have been mass producing non-toxic puffer fish so maybe it's not so deadly after all.

Early Start, Early Home

Wednesday 4th November 2009

AM

Least: At just after 7:20am, I finally dragged myself out of bed to get ready for work. My new day shift begins at 10:40am, but it's miles out of the city in Gakken-Nara-Tomigaoka. It will be even more dificult to rise next week after a late finish at work on Tuesday night. I hope the early return home is worth it.

Most: At close to 10:ooam, as my train climbed into the Ikoma mountains, the view of Osaka was incredible. From the side of the mountain I could see the vast concrete blanket that covers Osaka Bay. Apart from the sickly brown smudge of smog, it was a strangely beautiful view - next week I'll try to take a photo.

PM

Least: Approaching 5:15pm, I stepped onto the JR Loop line at Tsurahashi station. The crowed nature of the train would not usually bother me, except for the number of clearly ill people on board. The number of flu cases is approaching 6 million in Japan, a I think a fair swag of them are continuing to ride the train pretending that their masks are working. If I haven't already had the swine flu, I'm sure I'll have it soon.

Most: At 4:35pm, as I left work, it was just beginning to darken. The sunset on the way home was spectacular and it felt good to be free before 9:30pm as usual. Probably the most interesting part was knowing that many of my colleagues were only an hour into their shifts. Arriving home just before 6:00pm, I streched out on the couch with nothing to think about except what I was going to cook Rosie for dinner. I settled on a basic spaghetti.

The Joy of Beef

Tuesday 3rd November 2009

AM

Least: At nearly 9:30am, I woke with an inexplicable headache. It may have been related to the weekend noise devastation or the sudden change in weather. A more likely explanation is a lack of water. Water is so boring that it is nearly impossible to drink enough. I just don't want to become one of those people who is always chugging from an anodised water-bottle.


Most: By 11:00am, I was beginning to settle into a lazy day off. I'm unsure of the purpose of the national holiday (I now know it's Bunka Day or Culture Day), but it was yet another welcome break from the routine of work. It was especially interesting because it co-incided with the bogan-fest Melbourne Cup. Until I saw it on the calendar, it didn't even make a blip in my thoughts. I wonder who won?


PM

Least: By 6:00pm, it was clear that I had lazed away nearly a whole day off. Because I now have an incredibly early start on Wednesdays, I will also now have the dread of the night before. The day before an early start is never long enough.

Most: Just after 12:20pm, I trundled down to the supermarket in search of a vaguely interesting lunch. As I searched the aisles, I was suddenly drawn to the beef section. I briefly scanned the cuts and settled on an expensive 200 gram porterhouse-ish slab of prime Japanese beef. After a few minutes on the hob, the steak was incredible and I cut it using a butter knife. The sheer quality and taste of the meat will make it very difficult to return to the wasteland of lean beef. Another great reason to live in Japan.

The Ringing of the Ears

Monday 2nd November 2009

AM

Least: At 9:00am, my alarm barely penetrated the ringing in my ears from last night's gig. Although the ringing had reduced to a mere static crackle, it was very disconcerting and a reminder that earplugs are essential for gig going in Japan. The other, albeit minor injury I recieved, was a smallish puncture wound on the back of my hand, caused by a guitarist's ridiculously bestudded jacket and an out of control moshpit. I just hope the studs (right) were surgical steel.

Most: Just after 11:00am, I dragged my bike from under five other bikes which had been blown over by the gale that was buffeting Osaka. It is incredibly how quickly the weather went from  pleasantly Autumn to uncomfortably cold. My ride to the supermarket was assisted by a roaring tailwind, but the ride home was stymied by the wintery blast. The bikes that I had picked up at the beginning of my journey were all blown to the ground upon my return.

PM

Least: At around 5:30pm, I stood waiting for my training at Headquaters to start. I was immediately assailed by a crashing bore, who, new to a trainers position could help attempting a serious discussion about education with me. Almost groaning, I wondered if he realised the comedy of his earnestness in a room, one day from moving, filled with half-filled cardboard boxes. I'm sure he didn't and I hope that he impressed his superiors.

Most: At 9:20pm, as I braved the wind (see the god right) on my way to the Namba Nankai station, I was amazed at the fashion transformation that had occured during the day. People had gone from jeans and t-shirts, to puffer jackets, scarves and beanies. It reminded me of Melbourne, where at the first hint of a cool breeze in Autumn, people dress as if they're in a frozen wasteland in the Northern Hemisphere. Interesting - kind of.

The Rumour

Sunday 1st November 2009

AM

Least: At nearly 10:00am, I opened my eyes to a fairly minor hangover. It was made worse by the shuddering thought of the 10000 yen food bill from last night. Luckily the money went mostly on the tuna"s belly rather than beer. Things could be worse.

Most: At about 10:25am, I checked my social networking site to find that rumours had begun in Melbourne about my plans for next year. According to the scuttlebutt, I am to return to Australia in time for the 2010 school year at my former work place. Time will tell if the rumours are true or not.

PM

Least: By 1:00pm, the beautiful morning had given way to a torrential downpour. It was amazing to look our the front window to find sheets of water washing the streets clean. Hours, later the rain continued, making going outdoors far less attractive.

Most: Sometime after 8:00pm and a delicious Thai meal, Rosie and I walked down the steps at Hokage to see several punk bands play including Melbourne's Pisschrist. The bands were mostly good, but the sheer volume of the sound system in such a small room was almost unbearable. The gig finished with Yeap from Pisschrist relentlessly crowd surfing, clearly enjoying the attention of the punters. A key highlight was one singers massive mohawk pictured right.

Takoyaki and Tuna

Saturday 31st October 2009

AM

Least: At 8:30am, as I packed my takoyaki costume into my back I was horrified to see that amound of hair it had extracted from my head. I'm no sure whether it is takoyaki-related heair loss or simple the accelerating onset of male-pattern baldness. One positive though, was that today would be the last time for a year that I would have to worry about a wretched costume. After five days, halloween was a crashing bore.

Most: At about 9:35am, I sat on my usual Saturday train in my usual Saturday carriage (number 7). Looking around, I saw all the usual suspects heading off to work in the sticks, but also a sixty-something salary man completely asleep in his seat. This is not unusual, however in the earlyish morning it was incredible to see how comfortable he had made himself. He had taken off his shoes and was laying tangled up on his seat with one of his be-socked perched on the window sill (see low res phone photo right). At least his slumber style guaranteed a seat to himself.

PM

Least: By 1:45pm, I was beginning to feel rage towards a temporary assistant that had been seen to my Wakayama school. She was comically officious and marched around like a woman on a mission. I think she'd forgotten that she was actually in a school full of kids trying to learning English in a fun way. The low point came when she entered my classroom to take the obligatory halloween photo and insisted on speaking in Japanese the whole time she graced our presence despite being a head trainer. This was especially galling after having to remind the kids so often that the room is English only. She was even ruder during my next class. A shocker.

Most: At about 9:00pm, Rosie and I entered a Sushi bar in a dirty street in Namba. The bar was bedecked with wrestling and sporting memorabilia with a suspicious number of celebrity autographs. The main feature of the bar was its selection of Tuna, a corpse of which was laying dismembered in a glass display cabinet. We ordered a platter of sashimi, sushi and tonkatsu of varous flavours. Upon hearing that Rosie liked tuna and tofu, the chef made a bizarre stack, which in its pinkness looked rather phallic. The food tasted incredible, epsecially the tuna sashimi of various grades and fattinesses and the beers kept appearing in front of us. When it came time to pay the bill, the chef said "ichiman, ichiman" to the cashier. The 10000yen bill was a shock and we reeled out the door unsure as to whether our extravagance was worth it. I suspect it wasn't - but the tuna was sensational.

The Battle for Bread

AM

Least: Just after 11:00pm, I listened in horror as the music of the rubbish truck faded into the distance. With no stinking bags of garbage left on the street it was clear that I had missed my chance to get rid of mine. Missing a 'household garbage' pick up can often mean having to live with a bag of food scraps and paper festering for a few days. Thankfully, in one small mercy, the tiny blue bin downstairs was empty, so I filled it.

Most: At 9:20am, I was struck by the cool temperature of the water coming out of the bathroom tap. For months, the water had been tepid enough to allow me to shave straight from the tap. I think the time has now come to return to filling the basin with warm water from the kettle and for some reason there is no hot water tap. I just want to know why they installed all the pipes in this building on the houtside with no insulation.

PM

Least: Some time around 4:00pm, Rosie and I began watching the Detroit Metal City movie based on the manga of the same name. The story centres around a young man who lives a double life between a complete dork and a crazed death metal vocalist. While the comic is very confronting, with shocking language, violence, male-male rape and treatment of women, the movie was simply painful. The shrill voices of the actors and the bad use of janglish swearing made it almost impossible to watch. In fact, I couldn't watch it any longer and had to evacuate.

Most: At close to 5:00pm, I decided to salve my pain from the Detroit Metal City movie by baking bread. The process was an experiment, because I was unsure as to the properties of Japanese flour and that I don't have a real oven. I chose a very basic recipe to minimise any disasters. After about and hour of kneading and rising, I shaped the dough into rolls and sent into the infernal reaches of a toaster oven (right). as I stared into to red glow, I could see the bread rising and browning, then blackening. I rescued the bread and realised that my experient had been pretty successful. We ate the bread with pasta topped by a simple tomato sauce. Another small victory in the battle for bread.

Oncoming Bicycles

Thursday 29th October 2009

AM

Least: At nearly 11:15am, I rode down to the Kohyo supermarket to buy some lunch. On the way, I groaned audibly as time and again I had to swerve to avoid oncoming and erratic cyclists. I'm not sure why, or if it's actually true, but people seem to ride on opposite sides of the footpath to where they ride on the roads. I wish that someone would make a cute cartoon about it to teach people to at least be consistent.


Most: At about 11:25am, I waded through the mothers to the fish section of the supermarket. To my joy, they had a special on sashimi. For a paltry 500 yen I bought two trays of incredibly good fish. I'm still amazed every time I buy fish at the amazing quality and price. I wish that the same situation existed in Australia.

PM

Least: Just after 8:50pm, Rosie confirmed that pizza was to be on the menu. By the time I arrived home however, a dark uncertainty hung over the ordering process. We could not find a menu anywhere. Even on the Dominos website, it was impossible to find a number to call for delivery. It seems that in Osaka they still require customers to call the specific number of each store. After a forensic look at the site we did find a number, however it seemed to be for some other service. Thankfully, they gave us a number for the Sumiyoshi branch and the evening was saved.

Most: By 10:00pm, the doorbell rang and the pizza had finally arrived. To my astonishment, the pizza boy proceeded to give me the pizza, take the money then bow continuously as he took off his at. This cartoonish display left me puzzled as to how to react. I just said thank-you and inhaled the pizza. The longer I stay here the stranger Japan and it's people seem to get.

The Deafening Roars

Wednesday 28th October 2009

AM

Least: At 10:12am, I arrived at Gakken-Nara-Tomigaoka station earlier than expected. My long trusted Hyperdia had let me down. Although it predicted my arrival at 10:26am, I was left killing time for an extra fifteen minutes in a convenience store. I suspect that Hyperdia's new look has got something to do with the problem. It no longer looks as if it was designed in 1996, but it seems a little busier in terms of what is on the screen. Maybe I didn't check a box, or maybe the site just wanted to annoy me. Next time, I'll try its competitor who's name escapes me.

Most: Just after 11:10am, I was in a classroom discussing the vagueries of world food prices with three Japanese women. The discussion soon turned to rice and about Japan's crazy agricultural policies that stifle domestic production. One woman claimed that Hokkaido rice tasted the best was was hard to come by and very expensive. She also described a rice shortage when Japan had to import rice from the Phillipines. She said that the Filipino rice tasted disgusting - I really wonder if the taste horror was true or if it was simply psychological. An interesting discussion about a bland grain.

PM

Least: At close to 5:00pm, I was hurtling through a tunnel towards Osaka. The noise inside the carriage was deafening and the air pressure swung about wildly. I wonder what went wrong in the design process, for it must really irk passengers who have to suffer the noise daily. To make matters worse, the announcements on the train were louder than the tunnel noise. The shrill voice robotically announced each station in Japanese and then in a strangly accented English. At least I'll only have to suffer this on Wednesdays.

Most: Approaching 3:00pm, I was astonished to see a mother begin breasfeeding during the class. I was even more amazed to see a second mother giving her baby a feed. It is the first time that I have seen breastfeeding in Japan, and I didn't expect to see it in class. Despite having two four year olds, two mothers and two infants in the class, the lesson went smoothly. The babies appeared to be drunk on milk and barely stirred despite the racket being made by the other kids. The Japanese reserve starts young.

At Least I'm Not Wearing a Chicken Suit

Tuesday 27th October 2009

AM

Least: I opened my eyes at 7:00am to find my phone alarm blaring at me. Through some mystery, the alarm had been set for two hours earlier than usual. By the time I drifted off to sleep, it was less than an hour to the next alarm. The tiredness from the early wake-up dogged my every hour until midnight.

Most: At about 11:30am, I rode towards the supermarket on a lunch mission. In one of the bigger gardens of a Tezukayama castle a team of gardeners were trimming a hedge and sculpting a couple of pine trees. The neatness of Japanese gardens is amazing, but so must the cost of keeping them that way. The Japanese seem to have an obsession with controlling nature, and it can be seen both in gardens and on mountainsides where tree growth has been carefully stage manages. An unconscious reaction to the uncertaintly of earthquakes perhaps.

PM

Least: At about 2:55pm, I discovered that the train to Sakaihigashi was not running. I had to reach the school before 3:30pm, so I made the crazed decision to hail a taxi. Over 2000 yen later, I arrived at work on time only to discover that the staff at the school had not bothered to set up anything for the special lesson that I had to teach. The staff member in question was actually chowing down on McDonald's in the very room where the class was to take place. Boring.

Most: Sometime after 4:15pm, after I had recovered from my rushed start to the working day, I noticed that one of the staff had dressed in a full body chicken suit. The outfit had oversized shoes to match and seemed so yellow that it lit up the room. The boss had chosen a cat costume with a red ribbon and a bell around her neck. I settled for a takoyaki headdress, then later a pretty onoffensive pirate hat. When you're in the same room as a women dressed in a chicken suit, anything seems normal.

Where does all the rain go?

Monday 26th October 2009

AM

Least: By 10:00am, I began to dread the circus which is an English school at Halloween. Despite having two costumes, I felt confident that when it came to the crunch I would stick to my English teacher in Japan costume. As I was putting the takoyaki costume into my bag, I wondered if today would herald a new low.

Most: At about 5:00am, I woke to the sound of thundering rain. It was as though someone had tipped a huge bucket on Tezukayama. A couple of hours later, when I finally rose, the rain and the water had disappeared.It seems rare to see huge pools of water gathering on the streets or even in gutters - Osaka must have some seriously good drainage. Maybe the lack of trees and hence leaves prevents blockages - a mystery.

PM

Least: At 3:55pm, I was being put under some serous peer pressure to wear a halloween costume at work. Rather than completely humiliate myself by wearing a takoyaki on my head, I chose the more subtle pirate costume. In the face of some, more elaborate costumes, I actually didn't feel that shame that I had expected. Still, it was pretty close to a new low.

Most: Between about 5:00pm and 7:00pm, a string of kids dressed in often eleaborate costumes walked thorough the door at Nakamozu. I was really surprised at the effort that most parents had gone to to dress up their kids. Highlights included the usual witches but also a devil and a fully suited racecar driver. Lots of fun if you're 5 years old!

Picnic in the Park

AM

Least: By 10:00am, I found myself lamenting the fact that I don't have two days off in a row. Today's plans included a boozy picnic in the park, however, the spectre of work on Monday seriously inhibits my involvment in merry making. Some people can tolerate arriving to work with a serious hangover, but I cannot. Work is already less than fun, so a hangover can only make mattters worse. Next year I'll lobby for two days of in succession - fingers crossed


Most: At close to 11:00am, I put into action a plan that I had literally been dreaming of for weeks. I looked underneath the malfunctioning washing machine. I soon discovered that a crucial hose was very twisted and preventing effective drainage. With a simple twist, our washing problems were solved. No longer will be ever have to sit and watch a load that's on a 48 hour cycle. Victory.

PM

Least: Between about 1:10pm and 2:20pm, I had to kill time at the south end of Nagai Park. The picnic I was attending, was delayed because of an accident on the Midosuji line and my friends were not arriving until after two. The problem with waiting in Nagai park is that it is full of strange old people who, given the chance, will happily come and talk to you, even if they don't speak English. My plan to avoid such horrors was to keep on the move like a fugitive. I rode around the park at least once, ate some of my lunch, took a photo of some red flowers (right), then hunkered down on a stone bench. The howling wind didn't make may wait any easier and I was relieved when my people finally arrived.

Most: From about 2:30pm, I sat on a blue tarpaulin and enjoyed a festive picnic at the aforementioned Nagai park. The picnic was a 'potluck' so we ended up with about sixteen square metres of delicious food. Although rain threatened, it didn't arrive until after dark and did not interfere with our revellry. The highlight was either the brief hide and seek game or when a couple of picnickers decided it was time to don my Boss's full-body Stitch constume. Laughs all round.

Snoring Myself Awake

Saturday 24th October 2009 

AM

Least: Pretty close to 10:00am, I sat on the train facing a professional looking young woman who appeared to be doing something important on her laptop. After a few minutes, I couldn't help noticing her horrible nervous habit. Every few seconds, she picked or bit at her crumbling cuticles and fingertips. With each bite, a tiny piece of skin would disappear into her mouth. Rather than being embarrassed by this habit, she seemed to revel in it one tasty morsel after another.

Most: At about 9:30am, I opened Nostromo to chip away at a few pages. Even though it is a dificult read, it is amazing that the novels location, Sulaco is completely fictional, with almost nothing historical about it. This is in stark contrast to Conrad's other novels which are steeped in his personal experience. Although, I have read Nostromo before, I don't think I gave it the time it deserves - which it a lot.

PM

Least: Sometime between 5:37pm and 6:30pm, I snored myself awake on the train home from Wakayama. I must've been asleep for about ten minutes, but I'd slipped into a deepish sleep. The last couple of weeks with the flu and the knock to the head have exhausted me and it didn't take much of the train rocking to send me into a blissful sleep. The sleep was not quite deep enough though, to insulate me from my own snoring. I shudder to think what the expert sleeping Japanese thought

Most: At nearly 7:00pm, I watched the back of my train disappear north as I stumbled up the Mikunigaoka steps in a sleepy daze. For the next ten or so minutes, I sat on the platform. This time, unlike the past five or six months, I was shivering with cold. The wind racing down the tracks had a distinct chill that reminded me of the weeks after I arrived in Osaka. The chewing gum chipper had moved underground into a sea of blackened gum.

A Cart Full of Cats

AM

Least: At 10:40am, I opened my eyes to find that most of the morning had vanished. I had half thought of getting up early for a walk, however I think last night's yakitori and beer led to deeper than deep sleep. Waking late makes special problems for AMPM because it gives little time for the least and most interesting things to happen. Maybe I'll set an alarm next time.

Most: By 11:20am, the odds that my poached eggs were going to be the highlight of my morning were rapidly increasing. With so much morning time on my hands I have been able to perefect my poaching technique. Using gas has proven much easier than struggling with electricity, and even with three burners going, blazes have been rare. The only real danger is burning the toast to a cinder while distracted. As for the poach, I allow the eggs to lay in a slightly bubbling pan undisturbed by stirring or by vinegary acids. I turn the gas off just as the toasting begins, for the heat from the grill perfectly finishes off any slightly undercooked eggs. I haven't descended into bacon yet for the health implications could be fatal.

PM

Least: Between 1:00pm and 2:30pm, I trudged around the city looking for a Halloween costume. I went to a giant shit-shop called Don Quixote which had a good range, but was dominated by sleazyly tacky maid uniforms. There were the obvious nurse uniforms, but disturbingly (but not surprisingly) there were also school uniform costumes right down to primary school. Japan's predictible bawdiness never fails to bore. I ended up choosing a semi-costume at Loft, the pictures of which will be revealed later.

Most: At about 3:00pm as I walked down the Shinsaibashi arcade, I dodged a possibly homeless man wheeling a large car filled with cardboard. Being such a common sight, this normally wouldn't rate a mention but for the number of cats that he had travelling with him. On the very top of his cart were four boxes that housed his cats which were on leads. The cats looked very relaxed and comfortable, whcih was a suprise considering that the man was also walking a dog. Japan never ceases to amaze.