Posting Problems

AM

Least: At about 8:00am, I discovered that two of Rosie's letters had been returned from the post office. One letter did not have a valuable enough stamp to reach Australia, the other though was more baffling. The smaller than usual envelope appeared to have a chit on it explaining it didn't conform to the minimum size for a letter which seems to be 14cm by 9cm. According to Japan Post it costs more to send a smaller than average envelope - crackers. Braille letters up to three kilograms are free. This echoes an earlier incident when the presentation of novelty-shaped postcards at the post office caused all hell to break loose. It seems that everyone must confrom in Japan, even envelopes. A crashing bore.

Most: At nearly 9:30am, I was strolling around the greenery of Tezukayama when I thought I spotted a bogan. As it turned out, I was right.  Her t-shirt read "Give a dog a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a dog how to fish and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day". I supposed that she must've been on a holiday to the Gold Coast in the recent past. Her miniature daschund had crimped fur on its ears. This bogan was far more interesting that the usual designer-clad Tezukayama Queen - it seems that boganism is a universal truth.

PM

Least: Close to 9:50pm, I boarded a JR Loop train at Kyobashi. Joining me on the first carriage, were a small group of extremely drunken men. The ringleader was holding court, sprouting what I assume was an unending stream of crap in Japanese. He did not even pause his monologue when bullying the younger members of his team. At one frightening stage he caught my eye and began muttering some rubbish about England. Thankfully, after I tilted my head to the bored commuter position he returned to his followers. They all left the train and my personal space at Tsurahashi.

Most: Beginning at exactly 8:50pm, I spoke to a freelance fashion designer for forty minutes. Her English wasn't great, but I gathered that she specialised in clothes for young women. She said that the current trend was for feminine ribbony outfits designed to drive the boys crazy. Apparently, the rag
trade has really struggled this past year with many shops selling their stock at close to cost levels. An interesting aside in an otherwise boring afternoon.

The Secret

AM

Least: By 12:01am I had been at 39000 feet for three hours on my secret voyage to Australia. Between 12:01am and 6:30am, I sat awake, having already watched a bowdlerised version of Slumdog Millionaire and exhausted the 'entertainment' package. The view of thick typhoony cloud out the window, did little to distract me from the constant sneezing, coughing and snoring of hundreds of other 'pax', mostly Japanese. One child appeared to have a nervous cough, another flyer sneezed at a rate of 6 per-minute, while a guy across from me gurgled through his blocked nose like a perculator. It seemed impossible that so many people could be so annoying for so long. The airline food-based farting started at about 2:00am. Two out of the four toilets were functioning.

Most: At about 3:30am, our ship jetted over the Bismarck Sea and Papua New Guinea. By this time a fullish moon had made an appearance and the dead ocean finally coughed up a few lights. A few pinpricks at sea I imagined to be small islands or oil rigs and a cluster on the northern coast of PNG may have been Madang, Sio or old Finschaffen, and another may have been a giant mining operation. Either way, it was interesting to imagine the life that was spending the night down on the ground. Mostly, they were probably sleeping in darkened villages, yet to get a scrap from the minerals being taken from them by the megaton.

PM

Least: As I arrived in Melbourne at about 12:15pm to the news of a 2:00pm check-in I looked with disinterest at the same hipster uniformity that had annoyed me six months ago. In everyone's desperate quest for 'cool' people seem to be as conservative as ever - black on grey on black*. It's easier to look like a young B-Dylan when it's 11 degrees. Beards seem to be on the decline however. (*note me wearing black on grey above)

Most: As we were welcomed to the Windsor by a man in a top hat sometime after 2:15pm, Rosie and I glee'd over our six year anniversary and the success to date of our plan for a surprise visit to Melbourne. Since the 22nd of April we have been quietly being quiet about our holiday plans. An internet blackout and light misinformation campaign in July appears to have worked to cloak our intentions to crash my Mum and Sister's birthday meal in Northcote. Rosie's sister, Virginia literally collapsed in a heap at the sight of Rosie at her door on Tuesday. Tomorrow's big entry will be very interesting indeed - provided our intelligence on the party's time and location is accurate.

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Food Note:

Lowlight: The Jetstar breakfast choice number 1 was an egg and cheese roll on over-herbed bread. The soggy clot was nothing other than repulsive.

Highlight: By about 7:00pm I was delighting in the Deep-Fried Pork-Belly with Red Curry at Cookie in Swanston Street. The costly German Riesling was incredible.

The Irony of Ironing Non-Iron Shirts

AM

Least: Between 10:40am and about 10:55am, I sweated through the ironing of three non-iron shirts. The thin, chemical fabric is supposed to breathe and allow the lucky wearer to airily breeze through the day without fear of sweat-through. Even wearing a breathier undershirt, the sweat still beads on my forearms reaching the surface layer in an instant. Sometimes, I look as though I may have been washing dishes. I'd wear a short-sleeve shirt, but with a tie, I think I look like someone who's come to fix the photocopier.

Most: Somewhere around 11:50am, I went on my almost daily stroll up to the Family Mart. Today there were two queues of tradesmen. All were in the strict uniform of a flannel do-rag and massively inflated pants. As usual they had cleaned out the refrigerated shelves of food so I settled for a tray of egg-laden sushi and inari. I completed my lunch with some red miso soup with a couple of pipi-sized clams lurking in the bottom. It will be interesting to see how many of the next 9 hours the feed will fuel me for.

PM

Least: Between 3:45pm and 8:00pm, I fell victim once again to the global financial crisis. With so many teachers around and slightly less students, doing 'light office work' can rule for hours. Today it was in Kishiwada adding promotional materials to packets of tissues. It is incredibly common to be offered tissues on the street, but incredibly uncommon to see people emptying their noses in public. The underbelly of the recession is pretty far from interesting - especially when it's happening to me.

Most: Relieved of my working duties at 9:35pm, I legged it to the station to find that I'd missed the express train to Tengachaya. The next best, and more interesting option was to board the Rapi:t B for an extra 500yen. The Rapi:t B is a very interesting and fast machine. It has the face or a 1970s anime robot and the innards of the inside of a sleazy private jet from the same decade. The internet tells me that the Nankai 5000 series were designed by an architect with the design theme 'Outdated Future' and began rolling in 1995.