Please Do It At Home

24 February 2010

AM

At about 9:58am, a man on my train carriage bound for Gakken-Nara-Tomigaoka fell asleep. His newspaper, although appearing to be a respectable broadsheet, was actually filled with full frontal nudity. The paper, slumped forward at about the same time as he did. No-one gawked, nor blinked. A normal situation (right:  Tokyo subway poster)






PM

As I stepped on to the platform at Tsuruhashi station at about 5:25pm, I was confronted by the mingling of two opposing smells. The first, which had assaulted me in the morning was the acrid stench of extinct barbecues and burnt fat - exactly the smell which lingers around a boozy camp fire. This particular smell, wasn't initially included in my short list of 'bad smells in Japan', however since returning from Malaysia (my olfactory organs refreshed) I have noted the putrid stench every wednesday morning on my way to work. It will now forever be in league with my memories of that place. The second, smell, was the incredibly precursor to the first. The amazing smell of tens or hundreds of Yakiniku restaurants, blurs the airs of Tsuruhashi station every night with a blueish haze. It is an amazing and probably delicious place - until the morning. (right: a map of Tsuruhashi that could possibly show the smell radius)

Beans and Boars in Sasayama

AM

Least: At 10:01am, I had to face the drudgery of calling in sick. The awkward conversation lasted only a few minutes, but after being put on hold a couple of times it seemed to last an hour. At least I felt much better knowing that I didn't have to work today - it's amazing what a day off can do.

Most: By 11:50am, I was speeding through the mountains with my mum, towards Sasayama, about 70km northwest of Osaka. The trees in the mountains were well on the way to their Autumn hues and the landscape was spectacular. The only downside were the long tunnels which took away the views just as quickly as they appeared. A great trip.


PM

Least: Just after 5:00pm, I was beset with a nagging headache. It could've been a lack of coffee, simple dehydration again or the towering beer that I had for lunch with my sukiyaki. Either way, it made the last leg of my journey home twice as boring as it otherwise might've been.

Most: At about 12:45pm, we arrived at the smallish town of Sasayama. After reading about the town in a local English magazine, we thought it might be a good day trip. The town had lots of small interesting shops, food stalls and the ruins of a castle that was built in 1609. The town is famed for its black beans and wild boar - many taxidermied versions of the latter adorned almost every restaurant. For lunch though, we tried the local beef and it was spectacular. As the only Europeans in town, numerous people came up to us and said hello - a really friendly and interesting town off the Lonely Planet map.

Early Start, Early Home

Wednesday 4th November 2009

AM

Least: At just after 7:20am, I finally dragged myself out of bed to get ready for work. My new day shift begins at 10:40am, but it's miles out of the city in Gakken-Nara-Tomigaoka. It will be even more dificult to rise next week after a late finish at work on Tuesday night. I hope the early return home is worth it.

Most: At close to 10:ooam, as my train climbed into the Ikoma mountains, the view of Osaka was incredible. From the side of the mountain I could see the vast concrete blanket that covers Osaka Bay. Apart from the sickly brown smudge of smog, it was a strangely beautiful view - next week I'll try to take a photo.

PM

Least: Approaching 5:15pm, I stepped onto the JR Loop line at Tsurahashi station. The crowed nature of the train would not usually bother me, except for the number of clearly ill people on board. The number of flu cases is approaching 6 million in Japan, a I think a fair swag of them are continuing to ride the train pretending that their masks are working. If I haven't already had the swine flu, I'm sure I'll have it soon.

Most: At 4:35pm, as I left work, it was just beginning to darken. The sunset on the way home was spectacular and it felt good to be free before 9:30pm as usual. Probably the most interesting part was knowing that many of my colleagues were only an hour into their shifts. Arriving home just before 6:00pm, I streched out on the couch with nothing to think about except what I was going to cook Rosie for dinner. I settled on a basic spaghetti.

The Deafening Roars

Wednesday 28th October 2009

AM

Least: At 10:12am, I arrived at Gakken-Nara-Tomigaoka station earlier than expected. My long trusted Hyperdia had let me down. Although it predicted my arrival at 10:26am, I was left killing time for an extra fifteen minutes in a convenience store. I suspect that Hyperdia's new look has got something to do with the problem. It no longer looks as if it was designed in 1996, but it seems a little busier in terms of what is on the screen. Maybe I didn't check a box, or maybe the site just wanted to annoy me. Next time, I'll try its competitor who's name escapes me.

Most: Just after 11:10am, I was in a classroom discussing the vagueries of world food prices with three Japanese women. The discussion soon turned to rice and about Japan's crazy agricultural policies that stifle domestic production. One woman claimed that Hokkaido rice tasted the best was was hard to come by and very expensive. She also described a rice shortage when Japan had to import rice from the Phillipines. She said that the Filipino rice tasted disgusting - I really wonder if the taste horror was true or if it was simply psychological. An interesting discussion about a bland grain.

PM

Least: At close to 5:00pm, I was hurtling through a tunnel towards Osaka. The noise inside the carriage was deafening and the air pressure swung about wildly. I wonder what went wrong in the design process, for it must really irk passengers who have to suffer the noise daily. To make matters worse, the announcements on the train were louder than the tunnel noise. The shrill voice robotically announced each station in Japanese and then in a strangly accented English. At least I'll only have to suffer this on Wednesdays.

Most: Approaching 3:00pm, I was astonished to see a mother begin breasfeeding during the class. I was even more amazed to see a second mother giving her baby a feed. It is the first time that I have seen breastfeeding in Japan, and I didn't expect to see it in class. Despite having two four year olds, two mothers and two infants in the class, the lesson went smoothly. The babies appeared to be drunk on milk and barely stirred despite the racket being made by the other kids. The Japanese reserve starts young.

When Potato Meets Chocolate

Saturday 17th October 2009

AM

Least: At 9:13am, I stepped onto my train after walking the one hundred metres necessary to alight at Mikunigaoka close to the transfer gate. To my disappointment, I noted a blue and white sticker on the windows telling me that it was a 'Mildly Airconditioned' carriage (photo pending). The air inside the train was tepid, and neither warm or cold enough to register a response from my nervous system. I can just imagine the lobby group in days gone by who hectored the Nankai Electric Railway until they agreed to include a super boring carriage for every journey forever.


大きな地図で見る

Most: Close to 9:20am, my tepid train carriage clacked across the artificial section of the Yamato river. Below, I could see the vast sandy river edge dotted with people up early for their Saturday activities. To the right were the usual radio controlled airplane group, who, every Saturday fly their electric machines in crazy loops and crazier landings. Almost under the bridge, was an oldish man practicing his chip-shots. He had dug his own sand-bunker and was squelching in its bottom hitting an orange golfball. He'll no doubt be there next week.

PM

Least: At about 12:10pm, I was reminded of the dubious nature of commercial education. My boss mentioned to me that re-sign rates for the school were really bad and that a particular student was not really enjoying learning English. I understood then, that it was my job to make her enjoy it and in turn encourage her to re-sign. I sure that, being an 11 year old, she doesn't have too much sway in her family's financial decisions. Learning English is expensive.


Most: Just after 4:00pm, I was offered the strangest snack I have yet seen in Japan. It came from a box of  Royce Potato Chip Chocolates. The snack consisted of salty potato chips with a crinkle cut, smothered in rich chocolate. Bizarrely, is was delicious and by 5:00pm I had eaten far too many. Given the appalling levels of fat contained in these delights, I contend that they should be strictly a once in a lifetime experience. I think they came from Hokkaido.

No coffee, no eggs, no bread, no butter

Wednesday 30th September 2009
 

AM

Least: At close to 9:30am, I discovered that my breakfasting stocks were at an all time low. No coffee, no eggs, no bread, no butter. To alleviate the sheer awefulness of it all, I trotted up to the Family Mart for resupply. To my horror the only bread that they had was some inedible and sugary loaf with slices about three inches thick. I settled on pancake mix, however in my confused state, I forgot to buy butter to butter up my meal. Despondant, I sat down to pancakes with faux maple syrup sans-butter. After one cake, Rosie stumbled through the door with a tub of grease for my meal. Despite the drama of breakfast, it was a grindingly boring experience.

Most: Approaching 11:50am, I finally finished reading The Grapes of Wrath after picking away at it for a few weeks. The ending was a little on the brutal side and shattered my hopes of a better outcome for the itinerant workers. The book is a condemnation of capitalism but rather than idealising it's victims, allows the characters to be crushed by their appalling conditions. The same process that had giant companies engulfing smaller farms it probably still happening today, especially in the developing world. I'm slightly sad that the book is over, but it was an interesting journey.

PM

Least: At about 1:50pm, I stepped onto the tram for my commute to work in Yao. Because it was the first time that I had been to this suburban sprawl (see its seal right), it carried ore stress than a usual trip to work. One mistake, or missed train could mean lateness or it could mean ending up on the wrong side of town. To make matters worse, there was a steady fall of rain and the wind allowed the water to sneak under my umbrella. After a wrong turn outside, Kintetsu-Yao station, I finally realised that my map had failed to notice that the MUFJ bank had relocated across the town square. I was only slightly damp by the time I arrived.

Most: At nearly 9:30pm, Rosie and I walked down some Tennoji steps into a below-ground izakaya. We were told that the last food orders were about to be taken, to we cut a swathe through the menu. By the time we had finished ordering, It was dificult to remember what we had actually requested. Each dish that arrived was slightly more suprising than the last and included, chips, edemame, fried chicken gristle, sashimi, tofu salad, samma and beer. The highlight was the slightly seared sashimi of salmon and tuna and the ultra-friendly manager. We'll be back.

Bogies at Nine O'Clock

Saturday 12 September 2009

AM

Least: Just after 9:30am, I boarded the JR Rapid at Mikunigaoka and sat in a seat reserved for people with ailments. This particular seat is at the rear of the carriage and is located directly above the bogies that roll the train to Wakayama. I have a faint memory of my Grandfather saying that you should never sit atop the train wheels because the ride is too rough. My half-hour experience between Mikunigaoka and Hineno proved this theory correct. I felt every bend, join and undulation of the train track, which at a glance looks futuristically smooth. As the train lurched incessantly, I was reminded of my sore neck and by the end of the trip its weakness had turned me into some kind of bobblehead. Thankfully I didn't experience nausea, despite the wild ride and the faintish smell of the toilets.

Most: At close to 8:10am, I peered out my kitchen window to see a filthy and wet pidgeon attempting to preen itself. The wetness of the pigeon told me that it was or had been raining outside. August seemed to be particularly dry and I was hoping for rain to wash summer down the drain. This morning, a constant drizzle freshened the streets, trees and gardens. Nearly an hour later, walking toward the station, I could actually smell the pine-ish fragrance of the gardens that grace the yards of the stinking rich. I also thought that the rain wold keep some of the Wakayama day-trippers off my morning train and free up some seats (see above). Thankfully, the day-trippers stayed home and I got to sit down.

PM

Least: Sometime after 5:37pm as my train left Wakayama station, I witnessed the ruthless musical chairs of the Kishuji Rapid. Because people are so desparate to sit alone, whenever a seat becomes available there is an undignified scramble to fill it. As people left the train at both Musota and Kii stations, people jumped to their feet to escape the horror of sitting next to another human being. The disappointment on people's faces when they just missed their chance at happiness was all too apparent and some of them had to return to their seats - the horror, the horror. I suppose it is forgivable given that personal in Japan is as such a premium but I'm sure that it doesn't need to be so cut-throat.

Most: Pretty close to 8:30pm, I walked into T's kitchen to relieve the agony of my hunger. After inhaling some doteyaki, octopus and several small glasses of beer, I came to the conclusion that I needed something more. A few days ago a student told me about the autumn culinary delight sanma, which is a longish silver fish a lot like a sardine which is grilled whole. T's Kitchen had one waiting for me. I pointed to the dead fish through the window of the counter and watched it grill. The final result was a very simple dish with some grated daikon and a cumquat. It was delicious and was not encumbered by the smaller bones which were edible. After my mauling, all that was left was the a cartoonish plate with the head, some stomach contents and a spine remaining. My next challenge will be to recreate the fishy experience at home in our fishgrill. Thanks T.

A Tale of Two Slices

AM

Least: 8:05am, I was assaulted by the acrid smell of burning toast. What I still cannot explain is why one slice was incinerated, while the other survived to be eaten. My only thought is that because the two slices were from different factories, they had different compositions. One probably had twice the level of sugar than the other, making it dangeously flammable. The boring experiements will continue.

Most: Between 11:25 and about midday, I recieved a near-presentation about the history of post-war politics of Japan. My student did admirably well in explaining the surge to the left after Japan's defeat then back to the right, and now slightly back to the left. It is clear though, that the current situation just after the election is unlikely to last too much longer than four years. According to my lesson, the DPJ has made too many compromises to get to power and shifted too far to the right for its rightwing candidates to escape the clutches of the LDP.

PM

Least: At about 9:20pm, I arrived at Wakayama station to discover that my train was not leaving for another 18 minutes. The journey back to Tezukayama seemed to take forever and was punctated by a series of maddening delays. I missed my local train by seconds at Mikunigaoka, only for my hopes to rise then be dashed by a second train flashing past (actual photo right). Even after I boarded my local train, it seemed to crawl to Tezukayama. The last blow came after I left the train and had to wait for trains at the crossing. Frustrating and boring.

Most: At about 7:00pm I unwrapped a huge tub of KFC and offered it to the small crowd at a staff and student party in Wakayama. The surreal surroundings, a pinkish office on the 6th floor of an office block and the guests including schoolgirls in sailor suits made a potentially tedious event mildly interesting. A series of bizarre pizzas were unveiled and a tableful of assorted and cheap Japanese fare tempted guests. Between one of the awkward silences, were were required to introduce ourselves and give an interesting fact or two - one rather important guest chose her recent purchase of exercise equipment from tv as her nugget. Conversation did not move on too far from there. Near the end of the night, no less than twelve photos were taken, the peace signs were irrepressible and I missed my train.

Meeting Jamie

AM

Least: By 10:40am, I was within a whisker of being late for my far-off shift near the shores of Lake Biwa. Because the timing of my journey was so tight, I had only minutes of flexibility between my arrival time and clock in. My train was running three minutes late according to the sign and according to another electronic display it was because of a "Human Damage Accident" (some guy saw the same think and made the same tired remarks). I can only assume that some poor former salary-man had decided to end it earlier in the morning - a sad price to pay for being so stoic.


Most: At 10:25am, I caught my first view of Lake Biwa and was surprised at both its size and at the industrial wasteland that surrounded it. From the deathly still airs of Kyoto it is hard to image such a massive lake lurking just behind a mountain range or two. The internet tells me that the lake is home to unique freshwater wildlife and an annual birdman competition that has run since 1977. Too bad  I will have to wait until 2010 to see it.

PM

Least: Not long after 6:00pm, I was once again lost in the JR Station maze at Umeda. I am beginning to believe that it is a living animal and changes every time I have the misfortune in visiting it. I knew that I was doomed before I even reached the wrong exit gate. To compound matters, a decrepit old man was taking a lifetime to charge his ICOCA card and my frustration only served to get me more lost. By the time I reached the Midisuji line, I felt like I'd walked a couple of kilometres - mostly in circles and at one point outside. My travel horror was capped off back at Nankai station where I missed my train by seconds - the conductor showed no mercy.


大きな地図で見る

Most: Approaching 9:00pm, Rosie and I were just finishing our meal at a local yakitori place when a youngish Japanese guy with a heavy American accent introduced himself at Jamie. What at first seemed a normal friendly introduction quickly became a bizarre and rambling monologue. Jamie was speaking as if he was straight from some acid trip from the 1960s and he actually sounded a lot like Dennis Hopper in Apocolypse Now. He spoke perfect English, but not one of his sentences made sense and we were reduced to uhuhing and yepping. His rant went along the lines of '... so man I didn't bring many apples so with my professer is was just like, man just go and check out how the water's flowing you know. I mean what is night? Turn black into day red into green man and it's either one or the other if its the other of the one man...' and so on and so forth. His goodbye consisted of a 'stay groovy' and a 'have a good life man'. Needless to say the other Japanese diners were literally staring at him with their mouths open. A truly strange experience.

The Secret

AM

Least: By 12:01am I had been at 39000 feet for three hours on my secret voyage to Australia. Between 12:01am and 6:30am, I sat awake, having already watched a bowdlerised version of Slumdog Millionaire and exhausted the 'entertainment' package. The view of thick typhoony cloud out the window, did little to distract me from the constant sneezing, coughing and snoring of hundreds of other 'pax', mostly Japanese. One child appeared to have a nervous cough, another flyer sneezed at a rate of 6 per-minute, while a guy across from me gurgled through his blocked nose like a perculator. It seemed impossible that so many people could be so annoying for so long. The airline food-based farting started at about 2:00am. Two out of the four toilets were functioning.

Most: At about 3:30am, our ship jetted over the Bismarck Sea and Papua New Guinea. By this time a fullish moon had made an appearance and the dead ocean finally coughed up a few lights. A few pinpricks at sea I imagined to be small islands or oil rigs and a cluster on the northern coast of PNG may have been Madang, Sio or old Finschaffen, and another may have been a giant mining operation. Either way, it was interesting to imagine the life that was spending the night down on the ground. Mostly, they were probably sleeping in darkened villages, yet to get a scrap from the minerals being taken from them by the megaton.

PM

Least: As I arrived in Melbourne at about 12:15pm to the news of a 2:00pm check-in I looked with disinterest at the same hipster uniformity that had annoyed me six months ago. In everyone's desperate quest for 'cool' people seem to be as conservative as ever - black on grey on black*. It's easier to look like a young B-Dylan when it's 11 degrees. Beards seem to be on the decline however. (*note me wearing black on grey above)

Most: As we were welcomed to the Windsor by a man in a top hat sometime after 2:15pm, Rosie and I glee'd over our six year anniversary and the success to date of our plan for a surprise visit to Melbourne. Since the 22nd of April we have been quietly being quiet about our holiday plans. An internet blackout and light misinformation campaign in July appears to have worked to cloak our intentions to crash my Mum and Sister's birthday meal in Northcote. Rosie's sister, Virginia literally collapsed in a heap at the sight of Rosie at her door on Tuesday. Tomorrow's big entry will be very interesting indeed - provided our intelligence on the party's time and location is accurate.

_________________
Food Note:

Lowlight: The Jetstar breakfast choice number 1 was an egg and cheese roll on over-herbed bread. The soggy clot was nothing other than repulsive.

Highlight: By about 7:00pm I was delighting in the Deep-Fried Pork-Belly with Red Curry at Cookie in Swanston Street. The costly German Riesling was incredible.

Tezukayama-Wakayama-Tezukayama-Juso-Shinsaibashi

AM

Least: Soon after 10:05am as I blurred toward Wakayama city, I concluded that the train trip was becoming the least interesting part of my morning. The scenery, the people protecting seats, the scent of the toilet, the nervous couples, the father drinking beer, the pivoting conductor, the onions hanging in the sheds, the rice paddies, the tunnels, the filthy rivers, the nationalist van, the company dormitories, the ageing express trains, the guy missing his stop and the sleeping office girls all make an appearance every Saturday and today began fading into the background static of a long commute to work.

Most: At 7:20am, I remembered that by some small miracle, it was casual day at work. The drones' clothes of suit-pants, a shirt, tie and black shoes could take a day off. At work, I felt and looked human, rather than like a lightly detailed character in a diagram of an office. I was amazed to feel such a strong change simply through a small change of routine in a country full of routines.

PM

Least: Arriving home at close to 6:30pm, it became obvious that I would have time to sit and relax for a minute. Rosie and I were scheduled to meet some acquaintances somewhere underground at 7:00pm. We found them and walked around for 40 minutes looking for a place to eat (see foodnote below).

Most: Some time around 9:40pm, we arrived at a housewarming party at a big white building, past the Mos Burger and Family Mart, past the overpass in Juso. Twenty-five or thirty people were crammed into the flat for a night of drunken revelry. My giant cans of The Premium Malts were just about empty when Rosie began waving at the bicycle police from the 9th Floor Balcony. Minutes later they were knocking on the door. I assume they told the hosts that the party was too noisy and un-Japanese. 10 minutes late were were out, crawling towards Shinsaibashi. I forgot my umbrella.

_______________
Foodnote:


Lowlight: By pointing randomly to the menu I ordered a rice slurry, topped with a raw egg and slivers of nori. Incredibly punishing but at least it was hot.

The Shouting Van

AM

Least: Not long before 9:00am, I was dragged from my slumber by a the racket of a bespeakered van on the road below. While I cannot be sure of the shouting topic, I imagine that it was begging for unwanted electrical goods. Another shouting van asks for newspapers - I recognise this one because the volume is far lower and less cutting. Election time is going to be a shocker! The noisiest country in the world?

Most: Between about 10:20am and 10:45am, I had a hilarious time sifting through the readers' comments from the Courier Mail for my other blog. The level of hysteria, bitterness, conservatism, fear, paranoia, misinformation, barrow pedalling and thinly veiled racism is incredible. The poor spelling is another story altogether. The best comments always hang beneath stories on taxation, multicululturalism, law n order, global warming and the State government. Any comments that are thoughtful or show common sense are howled down. Comedy gold!

PM

Least: By about 3:00pm I was once again slightly lost on my way to the Hankyu-32 building in Umeda. I have never been able to get there by the same route twice. I repeated my circuitous route upon my return home.

Most: Just after 9:30pm, I reached the ground floor of the before-mentioned Hankyu-32 building in Umeda. After some tooing and froing I finally rediscovered the Midsuji subway station. The platform was filled with sweating, red-faced Tigers fans. The crushing train ride briefly quelled the flow of sweat down my chins. By the time I traipsed up to the Nankai platform in Namba, the salty flow had returned. On the train, a big 'n tall man drenched in sweat yawned into his fan. During the walk home, I saw that people had been watering the road again, and that the poodle stylist was still cutting and grooming. I arrived home to a cooked meal at approximately 10:18pm.

Never Watch TV While Poaching Eggs

AM

Least: Between precisely 9:40am and 9:52am and 10:14am and 10:34am I roasted on train platforms in Mikunigaoka and Hineno repectively. It was punishment for taking a slightly later train from Tezukayama. The ten extra minutes at home this morning was repaid three-fold by JR. As the sweat ran down my chins, I couldn't help but notice the condensed breath and sweat of luckier and cooler commuters pouring from the corner of each carriage as it flashed by the station. Another lesson.

Most: While I waited for my eggs to poach at around 8:30am, I watched an animated TV show that, as usual, involved massive monsters in combat. The interesting thing though, was the fact that the trading cards carried by every kid in Japan were built into the story. The cards were used as a means to pitch differently rated piles of steel against each other. I was thinking that this is what kids might imagine whilst doing battle for cards in the playground - cool. The poached eggs were ever so slightly over done.

PM

Least: Between 12:00pm and about 8:00pm my stomach was granted a lone onigiri, a few sugarless breathmints, a bite of weird cake and two kinds of mineral water. As soon as I arrived home, my brain told me to order a large american style pizza with a regular crust. According to the pizza-clock, I ate until 10:50pm - two slices left. Before I finished the second slice, I could feel something of a bile-rush in my stomach. After I finished the last slice of the evening, I knew I wouldn't sleep well. I didn't.

Most: Between about 8:40pm and 10ish deciding to shirk a school releated party in Sakaihigashi, I sat down for a night in to contunue my spaghetti western voyage. While the bile working overtime on the pizza, I sat for a couple of hours to watch 'A Fist Full of Dollars'. The massive body count and the cracking dialogue were just interesting enough for my brain to forget telling me that I'd eaten too much on an empty stomach.

The Sky Building

AM

Least: At 11:25am, I foolishly got onto the wrong JR train at Shinimamiya and ended up in the weird surrounds of OCAT. Boring except for the youths practicing their break dancing moves.

Most: At 9.30ish I sat down to some excellent poached eggs on some admirable toast. I read Rosie the first two pages of Jonathan Franzen's 'The Corrections' - pretentious pomo drivel - I kept thinking of Nick's song 'We Call Upon the Author to Explain'- but - a page later it miraculously improved - it may just be good - Oprah liked it.

PM
Least: At about 3.10pm I walked into the HEP building in Umeda to be confronted with massive crowds looking for bargains. I quickly forgot the reason I went there in the first place - I think I was looking for an icecream.

Most: By about 2.00pm I was rocketing up the Umeda Sky Building to take a squizz at the observatory. A great view only besmirched by weird hiphop emanating from the walls and a smog cocktail of various fumes that smelled like burning plastic. Most fascinating though was the 'love lock' and the chapel for white weddings - who said Japan can't make good cheese?