Vinegar and Milk

AM

The AMs of this week have been characterised by cool crisp mornings. Not quite cold enough to be interesting, but cold enough to make it extremely difficult to get out of bed. My Sunday morning was destroyed by a hangover caused by a misadventure in the PM hours of Saturday. At 11:45am, I opted for a Family Mart cure in which I included the greasiest food items I could procure. The crumbed chicken on rice set, had a hangover-fighting layer of skin wedged in between the flesh and the oiled crumbs. The FamiChiki [ファミチキ] (right), was from the thigh of the bird, heavily crumbed and deep deep fried - one bite sent a torrent of oils down my hand. With a bottle of Pocari Sweat, the cure worked to a degree - I didn't die. In my delerium though, I bought a strange drink, for the sole reason that it was strange. The words Vinegar and Milk (right) shouted at me from the fridge and for some reason, I bought it and for some other reason, it would haunt me later in the PM hours.




PM

By 7:00pm, I was sufficiently recovered to think about heading next door for a meal of fajitas. The  fajitas were just what I needed to seal my health. In fact, they continued the chickeny theme of the day by including some very well seasoned breast meat. Soon, the meal turned into a game of UNO, and the card game became a college-esque drinking game - the draw four was a nightmare. Because I was still convelescing from my Takoyaki Party* -induced illness, I chose not to drink. To be polite, though, and to give me a reason to play cards to win, I fetched my bottle of Vinegar and Milk to sit in as my poison. Although it had been sitting on my desk for seven hours, it wasn't curdled. It's flavour immediately took me back to time when I've 'licked the spoon' only to find the mixture was for some sour lemon tart - horrifying. For about two hours I grimaced through the drink, and despite all my hopes, it actually got worse with every sip. When I had finally finished I chose a 16 vegetable drink for my next project. It wasn't much better.

________________________________
* The takoyaki party was held at my Nakamozu School in the PM of Saturday. The main damage was done by tequila and whiskey  - the reason I drank these is still unknown. I still shudder.

Helmets and Wigs

AM

At 9:50am, I cut and toasted two of the six bagels I bought yesterday from Bagel & Bagel at Namba Parks. Undoubtedly, this was the highlight of the morning, although the two deliveries for Rosie from Amazon did add some interest to an otherwise standard morning. Crucially, though, it wasn't rainy, allowing me to complete the drudgery of visiting the dry-cleaners to pick up a pair of pants that were well overdue for a wash. On the way home, I was struck by the number of babies on bikes that were helmetless - crazy!




PM

By 2:50pm, I was on my way out to work at Yao which sits  at the base of the Ikoma mountains and no doubt quake prone. The stinking heat of the tram barely distracted my from the woman in designer clothes, snorting up her snot like a five-year old. At least she wasn't coughing uncovered like everyone else. It's only a matter of time before the swine flu strikes now - hopefully before the Christmas break. The comical highlight of the Yao voyage was clearly the old man wearing a jet-black Elvis toupe. It is impossible to imagine that he though no-one would notice - maybe he just likes the look. I wish I was rude enough to have taken a photo but the file photo right appears to show the identical model.

Puffer Fish Lunch

Thursday 5th November 2009

AM

Least: At about 10:20am, I finally got out of bed after hitting the snooze button so many many times that the alarm simply gave up. I'm not sure if it was the early day yesterday, but today I felt exhausted. I might have to invest in a series of alarms, each with an increasing volume that will force me out of bed early.

Most: At nearly 11:45am, I rode through Tezukayama on my way to Life supermarket. A huge (and previously mentioned) white house that I often ride past, has finally been completed and appears to have occupants. The ultra modern building, has been tempered with a small garden on one side. The garden has a moss lawn and a few small trees. The interesting feature though, are some obviously ancient stone water features that help make the house accepably Japanese. I just wished I lived there. (photo right)

PM

Least: At 2:35pm, as I walked into work at Nakamozu, it became obvious that the week had dragged on for too long. The overdose on Halloween festivities probably didn't help, and the day off on Tuesday made it feel like ages since I'd walked through the glass doors of the school. It is strange how time plays tricks, both flying by and dragging at the same time.

Most: At about 1:00pm, I sat down to a plate of Puffer Fish sashimi (Fugu). I'd bought it at the supermarket, attracted by the picture of the deadly fish on the label. Given its notoriety it was a little exciting to taste the flesh for the fisrt time. It had a very delicate flavour, but was delicious. It came with a small sachet of soy sauce, a spicy sauce and chopped spring onions. For a supermarket meal, it was amazing (see photo top). I was left with a numb mouth for a few hours, but otherwise I was unaffected and remained alive to tell the tale. Apparently recently, Japanese scientists have been mass producing non-toxic puffer fish so maybe it's not so deadly after all.

The Ringing of the Ears

Monday 2nd November 2009

AM

Least: At 9:00am, my alarm barely penetrated the ringing in my ears from last night's gig. Although the ringing had reduced to a mere static crackle, it was very disconcerting and a reminder that earplugs are essential for gig going in Japan. The other, albeit minor injury I recieved, was a smallish puncture wound on the back of my hand, caused by a guitarist's ridiculously bestudded jacket and an out of control moshpit. I just hope the studs (right) were surgical steel.

Most: Just after 11:00am, I dragged my bike from under five other bikes which had been blown over by the gale that was buffeting Osaka. It is incredibly how quickly the weather went from  pleasantly Autumn to uncomfortably cold. My ride to the supermarket was assisted by a roaring tailwind, but the ride home was stymied by the wintery blast. The bikes that I had picked up at the beginning of my journey were all blown to the ground upon my return.

PM

Least: At around 5:30pm, I stood waiting for my training at Headquaters to start. I was immediately assailed by a crashing bore, who, new to a trainers position could help attempting a serious discussion about education with me. Almost groaning, I wondered if he realised the comedy of his earnestness in a room, one day from moving, filled with half-filled cardboard boxes. I'm sure he didn't and I hope that he impressed his superiors.

Most: At 9:20pm, as I braved the wind (see the god right) on my way to the Namba Nankai station, I was amazed at the fashion transformation that had occured during the day. People had gone from jeans and t-shirts, to puffer jackets, scarves and beanies. It reminded me of Melbourne, where at the first hint of a cool breeze in Autumn, people dress as if they're in a frozen wasteland in the Northern Hemisphere. Interesting - kind of.

The Joy of Early Mail

Thursday 22nd October 2009

AM

Least: Just after 9:00am, it became beepingly clear that the washing machine once again had to be restarted. The load of shirts and underwear had been in the wretched contraption for twenty four hours. As mentioned before, the machine has not been the same since the painters made use keep it inside for three days. I think it might have something to do with the balancing system, but checking it will require the current load of black clothes to finish washing - it could take a while.

Most: At about 10:30am, the doorbell rang. It was the mailman delivering a package from the Gold Street Boxes in Cilfton Hill. It is always exciting getting a large package, but even more so from family. The postbag contained Whittaker's Peanut Slabs, Lolly Bananas, Minties, a packet of white Tim Tams and Vegemite. Thankfully the mail also included decent toothpaste. The highlight, though was the cute card drawn by Olivia addressed to us in Japanese. The picture is now on the fridge and much of the chocolate has already been demolished. It really made our day!

PM

Least: At 2:12pm, the heat inside the train made me audibly groan. Obviously a date on a Nankai calender has passed which tells the company to put the heaters on regardless of the weather. The heat was so stifling as to remind me of the depths of summer. Hot cans of coffee have also appeared in the vending machines. Hopefully it will be cool enough to make it worth buying one.

Most: Between exactly 8:00pm and 8:40pm I spoke to a man who worked in a hotel. His English was very good and he had a much more Western outlook than most Japanese who I've spoken to. He even though whaling was now wrong. The most interesting thing he said though, was that he had seen the movie Gallipoli. I had been telling him about ANZAC day and he knew of the story and history behind it. Rather than being an Australia-phile, I think he was simply a movie buff who liked Mel Gibson's early work. Surprising.

The Red Ribboned Rabbits

AM

Least: At just before 9:00am I accepted that my headache from yesterday's conrete - brain collision wasn't going to leave soon. After a week with a flu, the last thing I need is another headache. The worst thin, though, is the fuzzy confusion associated with the knock, I found it difficult to remember anything in real detail which made writing very tricky. Clarity is golden.

Most: At 11:40am, I walked out the front door of our apartment building (carefully ducking my head) and into the street. Across the street is a massive house, and whoever lives in it has decided to shape their two potted trees into rabbits. To add to the oddity, the leafy green rabbits are wearing red ribbons and have orange eyes, and after writing are wearing Halloween hats. As to their purpose, I can only imagine they're part of some post-modern take on Halloween, Christmas and Easter. Strange but interesting.

PM

Least: At 3:30pm, I arrived to work to find my boss doubled over with abdomen pain. She was basically incapable of movement or any basic duties. She groaned for about two hours before getting relief from another staff member from Komyioke and for obvious reasons was in no mood for conversation.I was left thinking selfishly how boring it was with no-one to talk to and no clear thoughts in my head. Groan.

Most: At nearly 10:15am, I sat down to a pasta dish made with fresh tomatoes. Despite my doubts about the Japanese tomato for sandwich purposes, the oversweet orbs make for excellent sauce. Rosie's sauce had just enough garlic and fresh basil to allow the full flavour of the riper than ripe tomatoes to grace my tastebuds. I hope Rosie records her improvised dish so it is never lost for future generations.

The Pedicure by the Pond

AM

Least: At 9:05am I woke to my alarm thinking about what halloween costume I should wear. This outrageous thought was provoked by my school's obsession with the commerical possibilities of Halloween and other hyper-American celebrations like Thanksgiving. Despite all the staff's hoopla, it is clear that the idiotic dress-up is to increase sales to children because they are the biggest and longest running cash-cow. I'm thinking something minimal, like a silly hat to minimise my regret and humiliation.


Most: At 11:20am, I dragged myself out of the house for a long overdue walk in the park. Being later in the day, most of the early morning cast had left, leaving only the drunks, some mother and child duos and the odd fisherman. In particular two old men caught my eye. One was taking photographs of ducks with his massive telephoto lense. The amazing thing though, was the the ducks seemed to be cooperating with his hobby. For nearly an hour, about a dozen ducks bobbed obediently for the camera. The second guy was on the other side of the lake and giving himself a rather disgusting pedicure. By my last lap around the park, he was carefully preening his nails and cuticles. Thank-you Mandai Ike.

PM

Least: Just after 12:20pm, I sprung downstairs on a mission to by supermarket sushi. I had felt so revived by my walk around the lake, that I nearly skipped down each flight of steps. Unfortunately, on the last flight, I leapt a little too vigorously and slammed my skull into the ceiling of the stairwell. My brain and eyes rattled for about a minute afterwards, and by the time I began pedalling my bike, I was in a dreamy state of giddiness. Although I didn't collapse in the bank queue, I've had a headache that has persisted until thirteen minutes before tomorrow's AM. According to the internet I may have a mild concussion.

Most: After 7:10am, I began a dreaded one way conversation with a drunkard. The amazing thing was that once he began rambling about the ills of his life, he couldn't stop. He was like a drunk in an American sit-com and lamented all the things that seemed to happen to him, rather than think about what he might've done to annoy others. He said a theme of his life was people wanting to fight him in bars. He didn't think it strange that the inicidents had him and booze as a common demoninator and in fact blamed it on his charisma. Incredibly, despite sometimes actually smelling like booze, he has never been fired - but I suose drunkeness is not really looked down upon in Japan. Annoying but, nevertheless more interesting that stuffing tissues.

Carbonara and Chopsticks

Friday 16th October 2009

AM

Least: At about 9:35am, I was again forces to rise because of garbage responibilities to find that it was already Friday. I found it difficult to believe, despite monitoring every day, that a full week had come and gone. I could almost understand the time-fly during a routine week, however the last seven days were odd with Rosie away and the flu lurking and should've dragged. The weeks are jetting by and turning into months. With the cold weather approaching, I sometimes get hints of the smells that greeted us on arrival in February - I think it's kerosine heating - and it feels like there's been no time in between.

Most: At close to 10:00am, I depostited the big bag of garbage on the road downstairs and noticied that as usual the housewives had been up early washing the road. As I looked up the street, I could clearly see that a large patch of road outside every house had been drenched in water. I remember one student telling me it was to cool the air, and another telling me that it was to subdue dusts - but I think it's probably another neurotic habit with little purpose. It is interesting for me, being from too-dry Victoria to see people just washing water down the drain with little reason, other than to satisfy some mysterious urge to clean. Looking at some of the housewives, reminds me of elderly people who have clearly run out of chores to do - watering the road is one solution.


PM

Least: Sometime around 2:00pm, I began playing a co-operative version of the Playstation game 'Resistance 2' with the guy next door. The game looked incredibly, with excellent graphics and fantastic blood splatter. The alarming thing though was the darkness of the game made my eyes spin in such a way to make me think that I was losing control of my brain. Many of the games actually have warnings about epilepsy and I wonder if today I experienced some of the side effects of staring at a quickly moving image on a big screen. Maybe a walk in the park is safer.

Most: Just after 7:30pm, we walked with our neighbours into a local Italian restaurant called Il Bigotto. The restaurant resembled most other Italian places, except for the menus in Japanaese and the lack of Parmasean cheese. I ordered a capriccosia pizza, which was very good but for a too-thin base and the others ordered pasta which admittedly gave me slight food envy. Our food came out very slowly, one dish after the other, and it wasn't until I studied the Japanese diners eating their meal that I realised why. As each small dish of pasta arrived at the table, the Japanese would take a small portion each, then proceed to eat the morsels. They would then wait patiently for the next bowl of pasta, or a pizza to arrive then go through the same process. It was very odd to see the ritual of Japansese eating going on in an Italian restaurant, and even stranger to see that some of the guests still insisted on using chopsticks. Japanese habits die hard.

The Thief

AM

Least: At nearly 8:15am, I woke with an unusually sore throat. The sore throat was combined with a general feeling of fatigue and a minor headache. Clearly, the flu is stalking my cells waiting for the best time to strike. So far this year, I have been in remarkable health, which I put down to a change of job and diet. I suppose when the immune system finally crumbles the swine flu might just be the first ratbag through the door. I just hope I get all possible flus before I go to Malaysia in December.

Most: At just after 10:30am, I peered over the balcony to see an elderly woman being detained by two staff from the Drug 11 across the road. Shortly after, a bicycled policeman arrived to investigate what I assume was a medical shoplifting offence (the pharmacist was holding several boxes of medication). The police began asking questions and taking down statements, then became infuriated at the woman's apparent refusal to cooperate (see above). With the policeman yelling into her face, a police car arrived to take her away. As I watched through the iron bars from the balcony, she steadfastly resisted getting into the car, despite all the screaming and cajoling by the jacks. Finally, another police arrived and prised her from her spot and moved her closer to the car. The woman apparently thought she could talk her way out of it until she was manhandled into the back seat of the police car. Incredible and slightly sad scenes.

PM

Least: At 4:30pm, I made the mistake of visiting Life supermaket on a Sundau afternoon. There were literally hundreds of men, women and children shopping like mad in a storm of chaos. It was actually difficult to navigate without bumping into people or tripping over kids. The incredibly stupid Life theme song, being played on tape-decks scattered through the place only added to the mayhem. A valuable and boring lesson.

Most: At about 1:45pm, I once again visited my favourite conveyor sushi restaurant in Namba. Today, the place was extremely busy and I had to wait to be seated. Part of the reason for the sushi-mania was probably caused by the long weekend, the other reason was that the restaurant was offering three pieces of sushi per plate instead of two. Not one to miss out on a bargain, the locals were going bananas over the sight of  cut-price food. Today, even the whale bacon only made it around one lap before being wolfed down. As usual, I ate one plate too many - but I just had to try the sanma (file photo above)!

The Great Onigiri Mystery

AM

Least: At about 9:00am, the pneumatic wheelnut tools were chattering at full volume. With a steady stream of luxury cars keeping te mechanics busy at Ujita Auto Salon, there is always some disturbance coming through our window. Later in the day, after the cars have been tuned, the revving starts and occasionally, the receptionist calls the boys downstairs using an over-amplified intercom. It is amazing to see the number of cars rolling through that business, but the noise it makes is a crashing bore.

Most: Close to 11:59am, I found myself taking photos from Rosie's new Etsy site. Although I dare to suggest that some of the items are visually abhorrent, it doesn't seem to prevent people from buying them online. The most interesting outfit to date has been a mustardy suit that looks as if it was created for a science fiction show from the 1970s or 1980s (Buck Rogerss?). It will be interesting to see how quickly it sells and even more interesting to find out who buys it.



PM

Least: At 3:11pm, I sat in my usual Tuesday train carriage, an was greeted by some filthy looks from the man and woman sitting next to me. The man looked me up and down a few times and muttered something in Japanese, but it was clearly impolite. I noticed that despite his effeminate umbrella, he had home needled tattoos on his knuckles and hands. He was either a former gangster, or simply an arsehole - most likely the latter.

Most: Sometime after 1:00pm, I munched into one of the two onigiri that I had bought for lunch. Buying onigiri can be an adventure, especially when they do not that the picture of the delicious triangle's internal delights. Today, I was lucky. As I destroyed the snack, it became clear that I had bought an onigiri with perfectly rare white fish with a delicate soy-based dressing surrounding it. This was in stark contrast to its companion, which was what we in Australia would call, a rotten plum. Despite this set back, it was a vaguely interesting meal.

________________________

Footnote: One of the delights of today, was relating the story of a 20 year old student who told me yesterday that the last present she bought was a Stitch costume for her cat. She said that although the outfit was a little small, her cat (named Stitch) looked great in it. 

Only in Tezukayama

AM

Least: At about 8:00am, I was once again reminded of the horrors of living in such close quarter to so many other people. A very loud and distinctive honking noise smashed into our bedroom. My close analysis conducted over many months has revealed that it is a man in the shower clearing his nose. If only I knew the sound's exact origin, I could begin plotting revenge.

Most: At 9:05am this morning, I saw yet another sign that Japan's economic woes have yet to hit Tezukayama. A youngish woman was either dropping off or picking someone up from the local school in a very new red Ferrari. This sighting is only one of many along the same vein. In recent days, I have dodged cars from the numerous Porsche's to an Aston Martin. A recent only-in-Tezukayama moment was a road rage incident outside the Drug 11 involving an old lady on a bicycle and a 30s-ish man driving a blue Roller. The rich stay rich.

PM

Least: Atabout 7:10pm, I arrived to a home bereft of food. By 8:10pm, I treadled off to the local supermarket hoping for something raw and fishy. Instead, I arrived to find the fish shelves almost empty as closing time approached. Literally the only things left were a few scraps of sashimi and slices of whale at half price. I settled for some acceptable beef burgers, however they had so much grease that they almost rendered my sweet bread transparent.

Most: Sometime after 6:00pm, I looked out the window of the train at the speeding landscape to discover it was already in darkness. It is incredible how the length of day has appeared to shorten so quickly (see today's astronomical chart right). It is a reminder of how fast my time in Japan is going, and leaves me questioning myself whether or not I've made the most of it. I definately need to see more of Japan and get out a bit more. Perhaps next year I'll manage a real weekend with two days off in a row. 

The Last Weekend in September

Sunday 27th September 2009

AM

Least: Just after 5:00am, I was jolted out of my fitful sleep by the first of perhaps a hundred tram rollbys for the day. If only the Japanese engineers could have made the track as smooth as the rail network so that my sleep would be left uninterrupted. The Melbourne-ish clunk of the wheels as they pass over the gaps in the rails has the effect of shaking Sanshou at its foundations. I have heard that the Uemachi tramline (see bizarred simulation right) has been in danger of closure in the past, only to be saved by nostalgic locals who apparently live nowhere near the wonky rails.



Most: At close to 9:30am, I finally added wireless internet to our flat after days of technlogical agony. I thought I'd give it one more try after a thought I had in the very early hours of the morning. My idea failed miserably, but an idiot's guide on the internet showed me how to set the wretched thing up in less that ten minutes. Amazingly, the shonky 'bloadband' router came to life gave our laptop new freedom. The triumph I felt literally left me punching the air. Amazing.

PM

Least: Just after 2:00pm,  I scoured Youtube for footage of one Brendan Fevola disgracing himself on national TV during the Brownlow telecast. He was clearly incredibly drunk and displaying the rank boganism that is so rife in the AFL. The most boring part of it will be his fellow players tut tut tutting about his behaviour even though most of them do the very same thing every weekend. Good one Brendan.

Most: Not too long after 1:00pm, I began the very satisfying process of cooking the Autumny meal of Sanma. A student told me how to make the dish a few weeks ago, and I watched carefully as Tee of Tee's Kitchen cooked one up for me. I bought two of the long silvery fish for 200 yen down at Life and prepared them according to the simple instructions. I scored one side of the fish, added plenty of salt then grilled them in the fish grill for a total of nine minutes. The result was spectacular (above) and I served them with grated daikon, ponzu dressing and a squeeze of kabosu. I'm now looking for a new cooking adventure.

The Trains of Wrath

 Saturday 26th September 2009
 

AM

Least: As I punched in at work at exactly 10:43am, I noticed that the same time had appeared no less that three times in the past month. It seems that my routine from my doorstep to work has become deeply entrenched. Even though I often browse in the Lawson convenience before I ride the lift to work on the  sixth floor the time somehow remains the same. Maybe next week, I should try the coffee at Mr Donut on the first floor.

Most: At 9:13am, I once again boarded the train at Tezukayama on my weekly pilrimage to Wakayama. Many of the same characters were sitting in the carriage and I decided to disappear using my Ipod and copy of Grapes of Wrath. Even though, I've crawled through the Steinbeck classic, today I just couldn'd put it down. As well as providing an extra layer of personal space protection, it is a cracking read. Even drifting down train lines in Japan, I still felt as if I was part of the book being pushed from place to place in search of work with wages ever lowering. I must've been on commuter autopilot because when I looked up I was stepping onto the platform at Wakayama.

PM

Least: At nearly 5:50pm the so-called Kishuji Rapid service speaker told everyone to leave the train at the impossibly remote Hineno station. I imagine that there had been some sort of trouble down the line towards Tennoji and that the delays meant a radical rethinking of train times and my trip home. I followed the hurrying crowd onto another platform, only to have to turn around a minute later to return to the platform from which the hundreds of people had just evacuated. To make the trip more boring, I underwent the indignity of catching a bluer than blue local train (above)  back to Mikunigaoka which meant stopping at every station. Despite the apparent efficency of the rail network, a blip can mean chaos.

Most: After 9:00pm, I sat down to watch the first episode of X-Files. It was amazing to see how dated the show was in terms of fashion and production. Even the SWAT team looked as if it had just left the set of the A-Team. Still, it was pretty enjoyable even after all this time even though it was weirdly streched on our huge screen. It will be a real journey to trawl back through every episode. Once again the internet saves the day.

Duel or Wheels of Terror

AM

Least: At nearly 11:15am I stood in the the supermarket struggling to find a place to pack my bags and being buffeted by a series of incredibly rude old crones. I'm not sure if it's me, or the old bags are simply in mission mode and are not willing to let anything get in the way of their target. The first collision occured after a shopper discarded her trolley and rolled it towards me with little regard for my safety. The second incident was as I was packing my shopping into my bike-basket when a heavily osteoperosised old lady flashed past on her bike with her umbrella open. The edge of the frilly sun-umbrella struck me in the side of the face - luckily causing no injury. The bike rules discourage umbrella use and offer jail time for other bike offences. This morning's experience suggests that Japan's famous manners are concentrated in the younger age-brackets and non-existant among decrepit old ladies.

Most: At about 11:40am I sat down to have a look at the cycling rules for Japan after my brush with the maniac at the supermarket. The laws were revised in 2008 and seem to be quite harsh, especially in terms of the jail terms given for some offences. Some big penalties apply to the most common bike riding habits seen in Japan, such as dinking, riding on the wrong side of the road, failing to stop at signals and riding while drunk. The last crime can potentially send a person to the slammer for five years - as long as the rider doesn't crash and die first.

PM

Least: Between 3:20pm and precisely 9:35pm, I spent no less than four and a half hours staring out over Osaka's north-eastern skyline from the twenty-fourth floor of the Hankyu32 building (see rectangle in the centre of photo right) As night fell, the lights of the city made it slightly more interesting but soon became part of the same trance-like drone before my eyes. The HEP Five ferris wheel was not even turning and was covered in cloth for renovation. A rare highlight was seeing sparks from a welder fall from about thirty storeys up into the depths of the street. Having little work to do made a boring day drag on even longer.

Most: At about 9:50pm, I stepped onto the Midosuji subway train at Umeda. Within thirty seconds I had run into the barman from one of my favourite bars Jokerman (right). Takao had been eating Mexican and drinking vast quantities of tequila. His eyes were bloodshot and he admitted to being incredibly drunk. We talked about grindcore and the upcoming Brutal Truth show in Osaka. It was nice running into a familiar Japanese face in a sea of strangers.

Posting Problems

AM

Least: At about 8:00am, I discovered that two of Rosie's letters had been returned from the post office. One letter did not have a valuable enough stamp to reach Australia, the other though was more baffling. The smaller than usual envelope appeared to have a chit on it explaining it didn't conform to the minimum size for a letter which seems to be 14cm by 9cm. According to Japan Post it costs more to send a smaller than average envelope - crackers. Braille letters up to three kilograms are free. This echoes an earlier incident when the presentation of novelty-shaped postcards at the post office caused all hell to break loose. It seems that everyone must confrom in Japan, even envelopes. A crashing bore.

Most: At nearly 9:30am, I was strolling around the greenery of Tezukayama when I thought I spotted a bogan. As it turned out, I was right.  Her t-shirt read "Give a dog a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a dog how to fish and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day". I supposed that she must've been on a holiday to the Gold Coast in the recent past. Her miniature daschund had crimped fur on its ears. This bogan was far more interesting that the usual designer-clad Tezukayama Queen - it seems that boganism is a universal truth.

PM

Least: Close to 9:50pm, I boarded a JR Loop train at Kyobashi. Joining me on the first carriage, were a small group of extremely drunken men. The ringleader was holding court, sprouting what I assume was an unending stream of crap in Japanese. He did not even pause his monologue when bullying the younger members of his team. At one frightening stage he caught my eye and began muttering some rubbish about England. Thankfully, after I tilted my head to the bored commuter position he returned to his followers. They all left the train and my personal space at Tsurahashi.

Most: Beginning at exactly 8:50pm, I spoke to a freelance fashion designer for forty minutes. Her English wasn't great, but I gathered that she specialised in clothes for young women. She said that the current trend was for feminine ribbony outfits designed to drive the boys crazy. Apparently, the rag
trade has really struggled this past year with many shops selling their stock at close to cost levels. An interesting aside in an otherwise boring afternoon.

The Three Bad Smells of Japan

AM

Least: Sometime around 8:50am, I walked out the door for a stroll around the park carrying a large back of household rubbish. I added the bag to the mountain on the road and went on my way. About five minutes later, I discovered the third bad smell of Japan. The first is especially well documented - the stench of the drains that occasionally waft above ground to assault the senses. The second is the extreme body odour exuded by certain members of the middle management class who probably work too hard to care about armpit hygiene. My experience of the third came as I walked around the park. The smell was a complex combination of rotting park-garbage, cigarette smoke and dog piss - all baking to perfection in the morning sun. Thankfully, the second and third nose-sores are seasonal and only make and appearance in summer, leaving Japan with only one bad smell for much the rest of the year. I can live with one.

Most: At about 10:00pm as I ate my perfectly poached eggs in front of the television, I once again stumbled on the science-ish show 'The Making'. Normally, this would warrant a place in the above entry, however today something special stopped me from changing the channel in disgust. Today's episode centred on the mass production of pre-cooked, frozen okonomiyaki. The amazing thing was, that the incredibly complex machinery served only to replicate how the delicious dish is made in the restaurants. (see actual pack right) The highlight was probably the mechanical spatulae that were robotically nudging each okonomiyaki into shape as they cooked on a moving skillet. The finished product looked without fault as it was photographed, x-rayed, wrapped then snap frozen for the supermarket. On the strength of this television experience, I will buy a frozen okonomiyaki today and report back in a food note.


PM

Least: Closing in on 10:00pm, I realised that I'd blurred past Tezukayama station. I was alerted to my folly only by the sight of a Fusball complex which told me I was nearing Tengachaya station. I'm not sure if complacency, doziness or glassy-eyed boredom caused my lapse, but as my station came and went I was none the wiser. I was listening to the deceptively long 'Black Diamond Bay' by Bob Dylan at the time and perhaps those tropic isles in song took my thoughts far away from the Nankai line. Thankfully, I did not have to wait too long for the return trip.

Most: As I left the train at 10:12pm, I sensed a change in the atmosphere. For the first time in months, I felt a very faint chill in the air brought by a northerly breeze. I also noticed that the cicadas are gone, giving room for the crickets to annoy passers by. It will be interesting to see if the season changes from summer to autumn as quickly as how summer engulfed spring in June. Many locals claim that the weather has been very strange this year with oddly timed and located deluges across Japan. I actually thought it might have been wetter than it has been, with few days of rain, and few torrential downpours. The heat and humidity though have been a brutal and character-building experience that will be good to leave behind for six months.
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Food Note: For lunch I tried the frozen okonomiyaki as-seen-on-tv (see actual result right). For a frozen meal it had very good texture and taste, although it was a little small. The sauce, mayonnaise, seeweed and bonito were a nice addition to the pack and did not seem affected by their frozen ordeal. I will certainly eat this again - thanks tv!

Have You Seen Chiiku?

AM

Least: By about 11:55am, I was tangled up in a roll of de-linting paper. My pants had been covered in a woolly coat of lint courtesy of our appalling washing machine. The rolller is a very effective weapon in the lint war, however its frustrating tendency to stick to one's hands and become an enraging part of a person's morning. Japan seems to be a very linty country and the scourge can creep up at any moment and overwhelm the unwary visitor. The war continues.

Most: At close to 9:40am, I finally resuscitated my habit of walking around the local pond. The oldish men were there in a blue cloud of cigarette smoke and just cracking their first cans of beer. A women sat for 20 minutes chain smoking and staring into the middle distance - thinking about her crashing bore of a husband no doubt. Further around the park, a 45ish year old man fumbled with his tackle as he waited for the little bells on his four massive surf rods to jingle with fish. I thought he might be crazy and in a beach fishing fantasy or simply testing out his new gear. As far as I could tell, he didn't catch the Mandai Ike monster or any fish. A sad side-story of my walk was a poster for a missing parrot named Chiiku. He was white with red cheeks and 30cm long. According to his overly formal portrait, he had a penchant for gold buttons and jewellery. I hope he is ok.

PM

Least: At nearly 9:00pm, with little to do at work, my industrious Japanese colleague asked me to write on several slips of paper. The boring part was, it was in hiragana and kanji, the former I'm not much good at, the latter I've never written a scrap. After carefully copying the example given to me, my erstwhile workmate could find nothing in her register other than to say "You had trouble with the su"? then "Oh, I can read it." Crushingly boring - especially coming from a noted apple-shiner.

Most: At about 9:50pm, I squeaked open our mailbox to discover some junkmail, a card, a letter from Rosie's mum and a padded bag addressed to me. Inside the padded bag was a book I evidently bought online a number of months ago and had sent by surface mail from England. The book, which contains the Conrad novellas Typhoon, The Shadow Line and another unmentionable title, was a nice little Everyman edition from 1950 with a nicely worn dustwrapper. I cannot remember buying the book directly, but surmise that it must've been one of the several items I drunkenly purchased after a night of Premium Malts. What a nice surprise - I should use surface mail more often.

The Problem With Parking

AM

Least: By 10:15am, I was groaning at the thought of untangling my bike from the logjam downstairs. Through sheer numbers, the bicycle parking area has become a nightmare of interlocked steel and rubber. There is also a carport where, if the bikes are three deep, I have little chance of extricating the Impression without some kind of rage attack. There also seems to be a single spot reserved for a particularly crappy red bike - parking in that unmarked area only means that your bike will end up elsewhere by day's end. People who think cycling will solve parking problems should come to Japan, or at least Sanshou Mansion.

Most: Just after 11:00am, I began doing my Japanese study for the day. I was surprised at the progress that I had made on the very simple things but, frustrated about how hard the new vocabulary is even at Japanese Core Step 1. Even more surprising is that it appears that I am going to stick with it - at least on the computer. It will be very interesting when I finally have someting to say in Japanese, or can vaguely understand conversations. I'm sure that what I hear and say will be as mundane as what I hear and say in English. It has been an interesting experience to be mute for eight months, but I think Japan will be far more interesting with a few more scraps of Japanese under my belt.

PM

Least: At about 1:00pm, I paid 200 yen for a can of mango juice at a Thai festival in Tennoji park. As I picked up the can, I realised that it was in fact a tin can. I suspect that the slightly rust tin of oddly tasting mango slurry had been manufactured in the 1980s. I'm not sure just how much juice was in the drink, but I am sure that it tasted like an antibiotic immulsion from my childhood. I made it through just quarter of the can before condemning it to the rubbish bin. I wonder if the local recycling facilities can handle a relic made out of strange metals?

Most: Sometime around 12:30pm, I began sampling the Thai food at the abovementioned festival in Tennoji. To my surprise it was excellent, and the smells took me straight back to Bangkok. Although I heard the odd Thai voice, all of the people at the restaurant stands were speaking Japanese which, although not surprising, created a bizarre world inside the park, which is usually inhabited by homeless men. I sampled some grilled meat and a green curry and collected numerous cards and menus so I could make some visits another day. It was a good change to eat some food with strong flavours which seems lacking in most Japanese food. Many Japanese people I have spoken to have an almost genetic aversion to spicy food - mild kim chi is about as far as they will venture. Today was a delicious departure.

Men in boxes and Women in Bubbles

AM


Least: At about 9:40am, it finally dawned on me just what I find so irritating about cooking shows on Japanese TV. It wasn't the awful stunned-mullet oishis, the whispering, the overuse of corn, or the cruelty to sea animals. I registered my strongest jolt at the sight of close-ups showing food being held, eaten or prodded by utensils. The extreme close-up shows the quivering and the pointless moving about of food in pans. I can't answer why it annoys me but, now that I've finally identified it, TV cooking shows may be unwatchable.



Most: At nearly 11:40am, I read a BBC News article about the horrors of the economic situation in Japan. In the shops it is pretty clear that things are not going well. Many shops are lowering prices to try an attract customers. In many larger shops, I have seen how the salesmen are sweating on their next sale - sometimes there seems to be more salesmen than customers. Just up the road hundreds of homeless men are sleeping in cardboard boxes or scavenging for aluminium cans while the Tezukayama locals are driving around in Mercedes'. The article warned thayt Japan could be on the brink of another big fall - luckily my company seems to attract the very wealthy - the rich tend to stay rich and the mirage at work will continue.

PM

Least: At close to 5:40pm, I recieved a chirpy phone call from headquarters. Within a minute, I was heartlity agreeing to do an early shift tomorrow morning in Kusatsu. When the caller said it was 'four stops from Kyoto' I had little idea that the school is four stops passed Kyoto. After this call, every new minute was just another step closer to getting up early to travel to an unfamiliar school, filled with unfamiliar staff and students. It made the rest of the pm far less interesting.

Most: At about 8:15pm, I was bored enought to be telling the staff at work about the be-tattooed crown at Freestyle Outro'6. I was mildly astonished to find that they were shocked at the thought of a thousand Japanese people with tatoos gathering in the one place. This was particularly surprising because one of the two staff claims to be into punk music and often speaks of her big nights on the tiles. It's hard to believe that the crowd down near the docks last Saturday night was so radical as to be invisible to the nearly mainstream. I'm not sure whether these shocked colleagues are far more conservative than I thought, or they're just living in a 1950s bubble of bubblegum music and culture.

Waiting for Quakes

AM

Least: I woke at about 8:15am to find that the special kind of up-too-early boredem was upon me. Despite my glee at not being hungover, I found little entertainment in my eggs or the morning baseball-based anime. As a last resort I began skimming through this month's edition of London Review of Books. Not surprisingly, it was packed with incredibly pretentious writing about other pretentious writers and groanworthy poetry. I could write more about the contents of the magazine but would risk becoming a crashing bore.

Most: At about 10:30am, I was looking for information about today's matsuri festival when stumbled across the earthquakes section of the Sumiyoshi-ku website. The terrifying truth is that we are living on the Uemachi Fault system and it is predicted that within the next fifty years a massive subduction quake will smash the city and liquify its soils. The preparedness guide recommends hiding under a desk or pillow during the quake and highlights that fact that if you're on the toilet it's best to stay there as it's probably the safest part of the house. Thankfully, because we are on the fourth floor, we should be safe from the predicted tsunami when the quake strikes. I just hope I'm not in the shower  or suffering from a mid-shave goatee when our shakey friend arrives.

PM

Least: Sometime arounf 12:30pm, I rescued my bike from the station and spun up to the glossily advertised Tezukayama Matsuri. I groaned as the rag-tag group of stalls came into view. Out of date toys, worn clothes, shonky homemade games and very limited food greeted my eyes. Although it was clearly a community fundraising event, I felt misled by the high quality advertising that appeared in shop windows a couple of weeks ago. One rare highlight was the talent quest - we saw a four-ish year old girl in pink do a song n dance routine. The next best choice was Bikkuri Donkey.

Most: At about 1:35pm, Rosie and I left the largely boring Tezukayama festival and wheeled down the hill to Bikkuri Donkey. We thought we'd go for a laugh and a laugh is what we got. The crazed junk-yard style building and the bizarre interior only served to make the meal that we got even more interesting. I ordered a 300g hamburg (top of menu shown right) with exactly four chips and hot mayonnaised corn served on a bed of cooked onion and topped with a typically soggy ball of shredded daikon. The vast slab of minced New Zealand beef was only dwarfed by the imposing shuttered menu that looked down on us like a sentinel. I thought the meal was on the way to being repulsive, but with the use of corn kernals, it has to be considered an incredibly Japanese dish. It is amazing what people will pay to eat if it's served in cartoonish surroundings.