Duel or Wheels of Terror

AM

Least: At nearly 11:15am I stood in the the supermarket struggling to find a place to pack my bags and being buffeted by a series of incredibly rude old crones. I'm not sure if it's me, or the old bags are simply in mission mode and are not willing to let anything get in the way of their target. The first collision occured after a shopper discarded her trolley and rolled it towards me with little regard for my safety. The second incident was as I was packing my shopping into my bike-basket when a heavily osteoperosised old lady flashed past on her bike with her umbrella open. The edge of the frilly sun-umbrella struck me in the side of the face - luckily causing no injury. The bike rules discourage umbrella use and offer jail time for other bike offences. This morning's experience suggests that Japan's famous manners are concentrated in the younger age-brackets and non-existant among decrepit old ladies.

Most: At about 11:40am I sat down to have a look at the cycling rules for Japan after my brush with the maniac at the supermarket. The laws were revised in 2008 and seem to be quite harsh, especially in terms of the jail terms given for some offences. Some big penalties apply to the most common bike riding habits seen in Japan, such as dinking, riding on the wrong side of the road, failing to stop at signals and riding while drunk. The last crime can potentially send a person to the slammer for five years - as long as the rider doesn't crash and die first.

PM

Least: Between 3:20pm and precisely 9:35pm, I spent no less than four and a half hours staring out over Osaka's north-eastern skyline from the twenty-fourth floor of the Hankyu32 building (see rectangle in the centre of photo right) As night fell, the lights of the city made it slightly more interesting but soon became part of the same trance-like drone before my eyes. The HEP Five ferris wheel was not even turning and was covered in cloth for renovation. A rare highlight was seeing sparks from a welder fall from about thirty storeys up into the depths of the street. Having little work to do made a boring day drag on even longer.

Most: At about 9:50pm, I stepped onto the Midosuji subway train at Umeda. Within thirty seconds I had run into the barman from one of my favourite bars Jokerman (right). Takao had been eating Mexican and drinking vast quantities of tequila. His eyes were bloodshot and he admitted to being incredibly drunk. We talked about grindcore and the upcoming Brutal Truth show in Osaka. It was nice running into a familiar Japanese face in a sea of strangers.

Waiting for Quakes

AM

Least: I woke at about 8:15am to find that the special kind of up-too-early boredem was upon me. Despite my glee at not being hungover, I found little entertainment in my eggs or the morning baseball-based anime. As a last resort I began skimming through this month's edition of London Review of Books. Not surprisingly, it was packed with incredibly pretentious writing about other pretentious writers and groanworthy poetry. I could write more about the contents of the magazine but would risk becoming a crashing bore.

Most: At about 10:30am, I was looking for information about today's matsuri festival when stumbled across the earthquakes section of the Sumiyoshi-ku website. The terrifying truth is that we are living on the Uemachi Fault system and it is predicted that within the next fifty years a massive subduction quake will smash the city and liquify its soils. The preparedness guide recommends hiding under a desk or pillow during the quake and highlights that fact that if you're on the toilet it's best to stay there as it's probably the safest part of the house. Thankfully, because we are on the fourth floor, we should be safe from the predicted tsunami when the quake strikes. I just hope I'm not in the shower  or suffering from a mid-shave goatee when our shakey friend arrives.

PM

Least: Sometime arounf 12:30pm, I rescued my bike from the station and spun up to the glossily advertised Tezukayama Matsuri. I groaned as the rag-tag group of stalls came into view. Out of date toys, worn clothes, shonky homemade games and very limited food greeted my eyes. Although it was clearly a community fundraising event, I felt misled by the high quality advertising that appeared in shop windows a couple of weeks ago. One rare highlight was the talent quest - we saw a four-ish year old girl in pink do a song n dance routine. The next best choice was Bikkuri Donkey.

Most: At about 1:35pm, Rosie and I left the largely boring Tezukayama festival and wheeled down the hill to Bikkuri Donkey. We thought we'd go for a laugh and a laugh is what we got. The crazed junk-yard style building and the bizarre interior only served to make the meal that we got even more interesting. I ordered a 300g hamburg (top of menu shown right) with exactly four chips and hot mayonnaised corn served on a bed of cooked onion and topped with a typically soggy ball of shredded daikon. The vast slab of minced New Zealand beef was only dwarfed by the imposing shuttered menu that looked down on us like a sentinel. I thought the meal was on the way to being repulsive, but with the use of corn kernals, it has to be considered an incredibly Japanese dish. It is amazing what people will pay to eat if it's served in cartoonish surroundings.