Takoyaki and Tuna

Saturday 31st October 2009

AM

Least: At 8:30am, as I packed my takoyaki costume into my back I was horrified to see that amound of hair it had extracted from my head. I'm no sure whether it is takoyaki-related heair loss or simple the accelerating onset of male-pattern baldness. One positive though, was that today would be the last time for a year that I would have to worry about a wretched costume. After five days, halloween was a crashing bore.

Most: At about 9:35am, I sat on my usual Saturday train in my usual Saturday carriage (number 7). Looking around, I saw all the usual suspects heading off to work in the sticks, but also a sixty-something salary man completely asleep in his seat. This is not unusual, however in the earlyish morning it was incredible to see how comfortable he had made himself. He had taken off his shoes and was laying tangled up on his seat with one of his be-socked perched on the window sill (see low res phone photo right). At least his slumber style guaranteed a seat to himself.

PM

Least: By 1:45pm, I was beginning to feel rage towards a temporary assistant that had been seen to my Wakayama school. She was comically officious and marched around like a woman on a mission. I think she'd forgotten that she was actually in a school full of kids trying to learning English in a fun way. The low point came when she entered my classroom to take the obligatory halloween photo and insisted on speaking in Japanese the whole time she graced our presence despite being a head trainer. This was especially galling after having to remind the kids so often that the room is English only. She was even ruder during my next class. A shocker.

Most: At about 9:00pm, Rosie and I entered a Sushi bar in a dirty street in Namba. The bar was bedecked with wrestling and sporting memorabilia with a suspicious number of celebrity autographs. The main feature of the bar was its selection of Tuna, a corpse of which was laying dismembered in a glass display cabinet. We ordered a platter of sashimi, sushi and tonkatsu of varous flavours. Upon hearing that Rosie liked tuna and tofu, the chef made a bizarre stack, which in its pinkness looked rather phallic. The food tasted incredible, epsecially the tuna sashimi of various grades and fattinesses and the beers kept appearing in front of us. When it came time to pay the bill, the chef said "ichiman, ichiman" to the cashier. The 10000yen bill was a shock and we reeled out the door unsure as to whether our extravagance was worth it. I suspect it wasn't - but the tuna was sensational.

At Least I'm Not Wearing a Chicken Suit

Tuesday 27th October 2009

AM

Least: I opened my eyes at 7:00am to find my phone alarm blaring at me. Through some mystery, the alarm had been set for two hours earlier than usual. By the time I drifted off to sleep, it was less than an hour to the next alarm. The tiredness from the early wake-up dogged my every hour until midnight.

Most: At about 11:30am, I rode towards the supermarket on a lunch mission. In one of the bigger gardens of a Tezukayama castle a team of gardeners were trimming a hedge and sculpting a couple of pine trees. The neatness of Japanese gardens is amazing, but so must the cost of keeping them that way. The Japanese seem to have an obsession with controlling nature, and it can be seen both in gardens and on mountainsides where tree growth has been carefully stage manages. An unconscious reaction to the uncertaintly of earthquakes perhaps.

PM

Least: At about 2:55pm, I discovered that the train to Sakaihigashi was not running. I had to reach the school before 3:30pm, so I made the crazed decision to hail a taxi. Over 2000 yen later, I arrived at work on time only to discover that the staff at the school had not bothered to set up anything for the special lesson that I had to teach. The staff member in question was actually chowing down on McDonald's in the very room where the class was to take place. Boring.

Most: Sometime after 4:15pm, after I had recovered from my rushed start to the working day, I noticed that one of the staff had dressed in a full body chicken suit. The outfit had oversized shoes to match and seemed so yellow that it lit up the room. The boss had chosen a cat costume with a red ribbon and a bell around her neck. I settled for a takoyaki headdress, then later a pretty onoffensive pirate hat. When you're in the same room as a women dressed in a chicken suit, anything seems normal.

Where does all the rain go?

Monday 26th October 2009

AM

Least: By 10:00am, I began to dread the circus which is an English school at Halloween. Despite having two costumes, I felt confident that when it came to the crunch I would stick to my English teacher in Japan costume. As I was putting the takoyaki costume into my bag, I wondered if today would herald a new low.

Most: At about 5:00am, I woke to the sound of thundering rain. It was as though someone had tipped a huge bucket on Tezukayama. A couple of hours later, when I finally rose, the rain and the water had disappeared.It seems rare to see huge pools of water gathering on the streets or even in gutters - Osaka must have some seriously good drainage. Maybe the lack of trees and hence leaves prevents blockages - a mystery.

PM

Least: At 3:55pm, I was being put under some serous peer pressure to wear a halloween costume at work. Rather than completely humiliate myself by wearing a takoyaki on my head, I chose the more subtle pirate costume. In the face of some, more elaborate costumes, I actually didn't feel that shame that I had expected. Still, it was pretty close to a new low.

Most: Between about 5:00pm and 7:00pm, a string of kids dressed in often eleaborate costumes walked thorough the door at Nakamozu. I was really surprised at the effort that most parents had gone to to dress up their kids. Highlights included the usual witches but also a devil and a fully suited racecar driver. Lots of fun if you're 5 years old!

A Cart Full of Cats

AM

Least: At 10:40am, I opened my eyes to find that most of the morning had vanished. I had half thought of getting up early for a walk, however I think last night's yakitori and beer led to deeper than deep sleep. Waking late makes special problems for AMPM because it gives little time for the least and most interesting things to happen. Maybe I'll set an alarm next time.

Most: By 11:20am, the odds that my poached eggs were going to be the highlight of my morning were rapidly increasing. With so much morning time on my hands I have been able to perefect my poaching technique. Using gas has proven much easier than struggling with electricity, and even with three burners going, blazes have been rare. The only real danger is burning the toast to a cinder while distracted. As for the poach, I allow the eggs to lay in a slightly bubbling pan undisturbed by stirring or by vinegary acids. I turn the gas off just as the toasting begins, for the heat from the grill perfectly finishes off any slightly undercooked eggs. I haven't descended into bacon yet for the health implications could be fatal.

PM

Least: Between 1:00pm and 2:30pm, I trudged around the city looking for a Halloween costume. I went to a giant shit-shop called Don Quixote which had a good range, but was dominated by sleazyly tacky maid uniforms. There were the obvious nurse uniforms, but disturbingly (but not surprisingly) there were also school uniform costumes right down to primary school. Japan's predictible bawdiness never fails to bore. I ended up choosing a semi-costume at Loft, the pictures of which will be revealed later.

Most: At about 3:00pm as I walked down the Shinsaibashi arcade, I dodged a possibly homeless man wheeling a large car filled with cardboard. Being such a common sight, this normally wouldn't rate a mention but for the number of cats that he had travelling with him. On the very top of his cart were four boxes that housed his cats which were on leads. The cats looked very relaxed and comfortable, whcih was a suprise considering that the man was also walking a dog. Japan never ceases to amaze.

The Pedicure by the Pond

AM

Least: At 9:05am I woke to my alarm thinking about what halloween costume I should wear. This outrageous thought was provoked by my school's obsession with the commerical possibilities of Halloween and other hyper-American celebrations like Thanksgiving. Despite all the staff's hoopla, it is clear that the idiotic dress-up is to increase sales to children because they are the biggest and longest running cash-cow. I'm thinking something minimal, like a silly hat to minimise my regret and humiliation.


Most: At 11:20am, I dragged myself out of the house for a long overdue walk in the park. Being later in the day, most of the early morning cast had left, leaving only the drunks, some mother and child duos and the odd fisherman. In particular two old men caught my eye. One was taking photographs of ducks with his massive telephoto lense. The amazing thing though, was the the ducks seemed to be cooperating with his hobby. For nearly an hour, about a dozen ducks bobbed obediently for the camera. The second guy was on the other side of the lake and giving himself a rather disgusting pedicure. By my last lap around the park, he was carefully preening his nails and cuticles. Thank-you Mandai Ike.

PM

Least: Just after 12:20pm, I sprung downstairs on a mission to by supermarket sushi. I had felt so revived by my walk around the lake, that I nearly skipped down each flight of steps. Unfortunately, on the last flight, I leapt a little too vigorously and slammed my skull into the ceiling of the stairwell. My brain and eyes rattled for about a minute afterwards, and by the time I began pedalling my bike, I was in a dreamy state of giddiness. Although I didn't collapse in the bank queue, I've had a headache that has persisted until thirteen minutes before tomorrow's AM. According to the internet I may have a mild concussion.

Most: After 7:10am, I began a dreaded one way conversation with a drunkard. The amazing thing was that once he began rambling about the ills of his life, he couldn't stop. He was like a drunk in an American sit-com and lamented all the things that seemed to happen to him, rather than think about what he might've done to annoy others. He said a theme of his life was people wanting to fight him in bars. He didn't think it strange that the inicidents had him and booze as a common demoninator and in fact blamed it on his charisma. Incredibly, despite sometimes actually smelling like booze, he has never been fired - but I suose drunkeness is not really looked down upon in Japan. Annoying but, nevertheless more interesting that stuffing tissues.

Meeting Mr Melor

Thursday 8th October 2009

AM

Least: At 8:00am, I woke to a typhoon-free morning, and to the discovery that I had had a minor nose bleed in my sleep. The little roundel of blood on my pillow suggested that I probably picked my nose in my sleep, or suffered some strange buffeting from the storm. Either way, it will be a crashing bore to wash the stain out when I finally get around to it. One of the few benefits of living alone for a week it that I can put off until Monday, what I should really do today.

Most: At about 2:00am, I was wide awake listening to the howling of typhoon Melor passing by my window. Gusts of wind seemed to be compressing our apartment block and threatening to rip out the windows. A lone pigeon had sought refuge on our kitchen window-sill and cowered a the gale as I snapped his photograph (right). I had to remove the washing and a few loose items from the balcony, but in the end the storm was a bit of a non-event. The only damage for us was a missing ribbon from a decrepit spring ornament and leaves missing from the basil plant. When I woke at 8:00am, it was cool and sunny with no sign of the terrifying winds except for some un-Japanese like rubbish on the road.

PM

Least: Between 3:45pm and 9:45pm, I did no more than 10 minutes of teaching work after most people, like their companies had cancelled their activities in fear of typhoon Melor. The rest of the five hours and fifty minutes was filled with coma inducing tasks, concocted by the busy-bee staff. When I wasn't contructing a poster or stuffing tissues, I was stringing up worn out cliches for Halloween. It seems though, that the staff took the process seriously and darted around scratching their heads and wrinkling up their noses at where to put the next tattered jack-o-lantern. Lamentably, I will probably have to find a costume for the kids' Halloween lessons. Groan.

Most: At about 9:30pm, I began to make okonomiyaki for dinner. This time, I added some dodgy slices of roast pork and tried a few tips on making the dish given to me by students. One of the tricks is not to mix the egg too much, so it retains a little of its character in the finished product. The meal was very successful, and given that I made two, I'll be able to eat the remaining okonomiyaki for my next PM meal.