Internet vs Television

Thursday 24th September

AM

Least: At about 9:00am, I woke an realised that I still didn't have the internet and that I had to go to work. The short break, while nice, was hardly relaxing. The internet problem consumed the whole boring morning, first with a call to our service provider, then a call by Rosie  to NTT. NTT had an English line, however each painful and useless step had to be translated into in Japanese the back into English with a reply. The incredible lack of imagination of the people at NNT meant that even when we had discovered a possible solution, they continued on their same robotic path. They organised to send a team around to help, which we later cancelled.

Most: At close to 11:00am, our internet connection came back to life. It is amazing how much the world turns on the internet when you're not connected. Messages were piled up and AMPM was three days in arrears. I also noticed that Sydney had suffered the indignity of a dust storm and that 33% of Japanese men sit down while urinating. What a wonderful age we live in.

PM

Least: At about 6:30pm, I once again found myself being harangued into attending a workplace function at Nakamozu. The aggressive pitch of the boss, left little room to refuse and demanded a phone call if I couldn't attend. It is particularly galling, considering if I went I would probably have to pay for food and drinks, while acting as a caucasian English test dummy for creepy students. Further, to attend, I would have to make a detour on my way home from Wakayama on Saturday. That is not going to happen and there will be no phone call.

Most: At close to 9:30pm, I arrived home and unlike most nights, I did not turn on the TV. Having traded the crappy TV in for a HDD LCD monitor, I no longer have the tempation to watch the complete drivel that is Japanese TV. If I don't get sucked into the crazy world of online gaming, I should have much more time on my hands to read or actually go outside. I've almost forgotten already what I used to watch, and that was only days ago - and I think that speaks volumes about the rock bottom quality of television in Japan - they don't even have a sticom.

The Three Bad Smells of Japan

AM

Least: Sometime around 8:50am, I walked out the door for a stroll around the park carrying a large back of household rubbish. I added the bag to the mountain on the road and went on my way. About five minutes later, I discovered the third bad smell of Japan. The first is especially well documented - the stench of the drains that occasionally waft above ground to assault the senses. The second is the extreme body odour exuded by certain members of the middle management class who probably work too hard to care about armpit hygiene. My experience of the third came as I walked around the park. The smell was a complex combination of rotting park-garbage, cigarette smoke and dog piss - all baking to perfection in the morning sun. Thankfully, the second and third nose-sores are seasonal and only make and appearance in summer, leaving Japan with only one bad smell for much the rest of the year. I can live with one.

Most: At about 10:00pm as I ate my perfectly poached eggs in front of the television, I once again stumbled on the science-ish show 'The Making'. Normally, this would warrant a place in the above entry, however today something special stopped me from changing the channel in disgust. Today's episode centred on the mass production of pre-cooked, frozen okonomiyaki. The amazing thing was, that the incredibly complex machinery served only to replicate how the delicious dish is made in the restaurants. (see actual pack right) The highlight was probably the mechanical spatulae that were robotically nudging each okonomiyaki into shape as they cooked on a moving skillet. The finished product looked without fault as it was photographed, x-rayed, wrapped then snap frozen for the supermarket. On the strength of this television experience, I will buy a frozen okonomiyaki today and report back in a food note.


PM

Least: Closing in on 10:00pm, I realised that I'd blurred past Tezukayama station. I was alerted to my folly only by the sight of a Fusball complex which told me I was nearing Tengachaya station. I'm not sure if complacency, doziness or glassy-eyed boredom caused my lapse, but as my station came and went I was none the wiser. I was listening to the deceptively long 'Black Diamond Bay' by Bob Dylan at the time and perhaps those tropic isles in song took my thoughts far away from the Nankai line. Thankfully, I did not have to wait too long for the return trip.

Most: As I left the train at 10:12pm, I sensed a change in the atmosphere. For the first time in months, I felt a very faint chill in the air brought by a northerly breeze. I also noticed that the cicadas are gone, giving room for the crickets to annoy passers by. It will be interesting to see if the season changes from summer to autumn as quickly as how summer engulfed spring in June. Many locals claim that the weather has been very strange this year with oddly timed and located deluges across Japan. I actually thought it might have been wetter than it has been, with few days of rain, and few torrential downpours. The heat and humidity though have been a brutal and character-building experience that will be good to leave behind for six months.
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Food Note: For lunch I tried the frozen okonomiyaki as-seen-on-tv (see actual result right). For a frozen meal it had very good texture and taste, although it was a little small. The sauce, mayonnaise, seeweed and bonito were a nice addition to the pack and did not seem affected by their frozen ordeal. I will certainly eat this again - thanks tv!

Curbing My Enthusiasm

AM

Least: At 9:40am, I clunked down the stairs with two bags of carefully selected bottles and cans. The fact that this very minor event was identical to that of last and all other weeks reminded me of how days can blur into weeks and weeks into a year. Time is travelling too fast and I think it is the mundane things that are to blame. Sometimes it is difficult to remember which day is which, until the wacky sound of the rubbish truck tootles through the window. Remembering which week we're in is another matter.

Most: At close to 11:35am, I once again found myself battling middle-aged women in the supermarket. To my joyous surprise, I was able to buy a tray of sashimi and a tray of katsuo tataki for 500 yen. It would be difficult to imagine being able to obtain the same delights anywhere else. Japanese people find it hard to believe that Australians eat so little fish and that it is so expensive. I wonder if we ate more like otters, if the price of high quality fish would go down. It will be very difficult to readjust whenever I return.


PM

Least: Between 2:45pm and 8:45pm, I robotically worked through no less than seven English lessons in a row. There were few if any highlights, but the lowlight was sitting in a room for forty minutes with apparently high level speakers who were determined to say nothing. One was a bike shop owner and other was a hotel receptionist and both seemed depressed about something. The most they spoke on a single sentence was about the ruined Japanese economy. The rest was short phrases with me continually trying to jolly them along. Easy but boring money.

Most: At about 9:45pm, the doorbell told me that my massive pizza had arrived. Rosie and I settled down for a quiet night in with a bottle of Soave, the pizza and Curb Your Enthusiasm. I had heard people speak about Curb You Enthusiasm in hushed tones before but the more episodes I see the better I think it gets and I actually found myself laughing kneeslappingly. After about five episodes I decided that I was too wine-blurred to fully appreciate further viewing so I slumped into a cheer, blissful sleep.

Men in boxes and Women in Bubbles

AM


Least: At about 9:40am, it finally dawned on me just what I find so irritating about cooking shows on Japanese TV. It wasn't the awful stunned-mullet oishis, the whispering, the overuse of corn, or the cruelty to sea animals. I registered my strongest jolt at the sight of close-ups showing food being held, eaten or prodded by utensils. The extreme close-up shows the quivering and the pointless moving about of food in pans. I can't answer why it annoys me but, now that I've finally identified it, TV cooking shows may be unwatchable.



Most: At nearly 11:40am, I read a BBC News article about the horrors of the economic situation in Japan. In the shops it is pretty clear that things are not going well. Many shops are lowering prices to try an attract customers. In many larger shops, I have seen how the salesmen are sweating on their next sale - sometimes there seems to be more salesmen than customers. Just up the road hundreds of homeless men are sleeping in cardboard boxes or scavenging for aluminium cans while the Tezukayama locals are driving around in Mercedes'. The article warned thayt Japan could be on the brink of another big fall - luckily my company seems to attract the very wealthy - the rich tend to stay rich and the mirage at work will continue.

PM

Least: At close to 5:40pm, I recieved a chirpy phone call from headquarters. Within a minute, I was heartlity agreeing to do an early shift tomorrow morning in Kusatsu. When the caller said it was 'four stops from Kyoto' I had little idea that the school is four stops passed Kyoto. After this call, every new minute was just another step closer to getting up early to travel to an unfamiliar school, filled with unfamiliar staff and students. It made the rest of the pm far less interesting.

Most: At about 8:15pm, I was bored enought to be telling the staff at work about the be-tattooed crown at Freestyle Outro'6. I was mildly astonished to find that they were shocked at the thought of a thousand Japanese people with tatoos gathering in the one place. This was particularly surprising because one of the two staff claims to be into punk music and often speaks of her big nights on the tiles. It's hard to believe that the crowd down near the docks last Saturday night was so radical as to be invisible to the nearly mainstream. I'm not sure whether these shocked colleagues are far more conservative than I thought, or they're just living in a 1950s bubble of bubblegum music and culture.

The Death Stare in the Supermarket

AM

Least: Within an hour of 3:00am, I slumped into a white taxi for the outrageously expensive cruise from Shinsaibashi to Tezukayma. Despite my incredibly blurry state, I noticed that the driver had a small plasma TV installed on his dashboard. The screen had a deep shade so the driver could watch it at any time he chose. Without surprise, I saw that even in the early hours, it was still possible to watch insipid variety shows. I was too drunk to tell whether or not Terry Ito made an appearance.


Most: Just after rising at 11:10am, I slid open my balcony door to discover the surprise that the day was not searingly hot. A coolish breeze fluttered the washing and gave me the hint the summer might just be on the wane. The forecast still warns of above 30 degree days, yet the painful maximums are beginning to lower. Hopefully the nights will be cooler and more sleep friendly too.

PM

Least: At about 3:20pm, I squeezed into the local supermarket to buy some overpriced groceries. What made this dull experience even less interesting was the swarm of houswives blocking every isle. In the fruit section, Rosie reported seeing be-aproned women scanning  bigger-than-A3 catalogues for any bargains they may have missed. You'd think that the old bag who graced me with her death stare as I sidled up to the packing counter would've been more cheerful, given that she'd had just managed to save 23 yen. Tightarse.

Most: Just before 4:00pm, I was again intrigued by another mention of last year's Tsiolkas book 'The Slap', During my visit to Australia a few people urged me to read it and empasised its light-shining value in terms of naughties suburban Melbourne. Having not read any of the book, I settled on a debate on the First Tuesday Book Club between the usual hipster, author, journo and guests. The interesting thing about the usually uninteresting show, was the faith-like defence put up by the Australians after the Britisher dismissed the book for its soapiness. It's always warming to hear familiar suburbs or types mentioned in print, but perhaps the interest fades as soon as you live outside of the good pages of the Melways. Given the rifts and the raft of recommendations though, I'll need to give it a read. At least Hardy has removed that distracting flower from her hair.

The Problem With Terry

AM

Least: By about 9:48am, I was crawling through multiple TV channels in an attempt to escape Terry Ito. The problem with Terry is that he seems to be always on television. His shows are universally long and numerous -he haunts the TV for about 60 hours a month. His role seems to be to offer a sliver of class to otherwise utterly vacuous programs. He occasionally smirks and is the butt of friendly and carefully managed ribbing. He his a producer, commentator, actor and wit. Terry can be identified by his trademark candy-cane suit and hat, or when he is chillaxing, in his casual man-of-the-weekend gear. Recently his image was carefully crafted into a splat ball. Today, he did nothing of interest. I burnt my last two slices of bread.

Most: Pretty close to 8:30am, as we were watering Rosie's balcony garden, I was struck by the speed of its growth. The basil, rosemary, sage, fern, nasturtium, chilli, creeper and carrot lawn seem be growing without suffering from the numerous assaults from insects and extreme weather as experienced in Australia. The clutter from the seasons is growing at speed too - flapping fish from Spring and the tinkling bells from Summer. The hills surrounding Osaka are impenetrable with growth and power line towers and the rice paddies are greener than green. It will be interesting to see what we can grow in winter and to find out about the next item of cultural clutter.

PM

Least: Upon my return to Tezukayama at approximately 1:10pm, I discovered that the sheets that I had hung out to dry were still damp. The humidity seemed to have won the battle over heat. During the day I could see the downpours punishing the mountains toward Nara, but all we got was a blast of incredibly soupy air. That the town was built on a swamp probably doesn't help.

Most: At 12:20pm, the gentleman sitting next to me at the 'Kaiten-Zushi' took a plate carrying two raw prawns in their entirety. Normally this would not pique my interest in the slightest, but he then began sucking every last molecule of entrails from the crustacean's head. Not satisfied with mere suction, he tore open the exoskeleton and began licking. Satisfied he had been victorious, he then ate the less interesting parts of the prawns. There's no accounting for taste or a sense of one's safety. That plate cost 120yen - what else it may have cost him we will never know.

Pancakes and Hiragana in August

AM

Least: By about 11:20am the daily thought that my knowledge of Japanese is appalling, pricked my conscience. I signed on to Smart FM and found that I hadn't studied in weeks. It told me to study fifty items today rather than the usual thirty. I should've learnt hiragana in February, but it's August and I still walk around like Miffy with no mouth and nothing to say.

Most: Near enough to 10:15am, I constructed some pancakes for breakfast in lieu of sugary Japanese bread. The box of Morinaga pancake mix never fails, possibly due to the cartoon instructions on the back. When the pancakes are smiling, they are ready to hit the plate. But in case you get stuck - you can watch the instructional video.

PM

Least: I returned home at about 10:18pm with a bag of garbage incinerator fuel from Family Mart to a chilly reception. The airconditioning had been left on all day, cooling, furniture, crockery, tatami mats, curtains and books. Thankfully, the TV tells me from time to time that nuclear power is incredibly safe and environmentally friendly. The electricity bill will tell me that it's expensive too.

Most: At about 10:05pm, I looked up and saw the the sky was incredibly clear tonight. The seemed to have a few more pixels that that factory haze normally allows. The thickish veil of smog that often invades the senses, smell a lot like burning garbage or a house that is aflame. If only the clear sky meant a cool crisp night.

Midway to Gundam

AM

Least: Thinking it was Thursday, I was mentally preparing to take the 'bottles and cans' downstairs at about 10:25am. I was crestfallen when I discovered what I already knew - that it was still Tuesday. When each day is characterised by strict timetables, it seems very easy to forget what day or week it is.

Most: I woke this morning to my vibrating phone at 9:32am. Thankfully it was just the alarm. Even more thankfully, was that I had apparently slept through the hottest part of the day. According to the hourly weather forcast, it was to be a sweet 29C at 9am then dipping below 27C from there. There is a 100% chance of rain today.

PM

Least: Standing for numerous minutes in a queue at the UFJ ATM at about 12:10pm today, it dawned on me that Japenese ATMs are far too useful. Often, a person will insert and withdraw numerous pieces of paper and currency, apparently to pay bills or squirrel away their 1yen coin collection. This can take many many minutes. The least interesting minutes of any day.

Most: Between about 1:20pm and 3:00pm then 10:25pm and 11:00pm, I sat and watched two swathes of quality TV. The first was the movie 'Midway'and the second was a Gundam episode. Both involved war and romance, both involved naval-esque strategy and both involved fighter pilot heroes and clumsy commanders. I began to wonder if Japanese cartoons served to relive and rewrite Japanese military history. I don't have any idea, but it's an interesting thought.

Pokemon vs Cicada

AM

Least: By about 9:30am I was awake enough to sit through some kids anime on TV. They were slightly entertaining, but for the simply awful voices screeching from most of the characters. It brought to mind the discomfort of hearing the shop-girls in Shinsaibashi spruiking for customers. Painful.

Most: Just after 11:20am, Rosie and I went for a walk around the lake. The paths were drenched after last night's storm and, as usual, council workers were tinkering with something - this time paths and drains. The interesting thing though, was the deafening sound of thousands of cicadas screaming almost in unison. Despite a few kids and their grandfathers collecting specimens to take home, the insects were victorious in dominating the park. They sounded like a giant dial-up modem - I wondered who they were calling.

PM

Least: By 9:35pm I had spent nearly six hours doing 40 minutes of work. I spoke to yet another, otherwise lovely student who suffered from the deficit of enjoying Disney characters too much. She had a penchant for Donald and Minnie combined with overseas travel. Her favourite memory was her stay at the 101 Dalmatians Hotel in Orlando (pictured right).

Most: At approximately 10:05pm, I took a turn away from my usual route home from Tezukayama station to pop in to the Family Mart. The dark road that took me there was littered with massive and sprawling mansions. The most impressive were the Japanese-style houses, surrounded by gardens and hedges. The bigger the house, the more barbed wire and spikes surrounded it. Japan appears to be a safe place, but people are still paranoid about crime.