The Return of AMPM

Sunday 7th of December 2009

After a wildly busy November, I have finally decided to bring back AMPM as an almost daily record of my lull in Japan. Although the format is sligtly simplified, I will still attempt to write about both the moments of interest and the drudgeries of my life here.

AM

At about 11:20am, Rosie and I walked down to the station on a mission to complete our christmas shopping in one day. The highlight of the train trip was a lunatic having an apparently sensible conversation with his reflection. As I feared, the shops were packed with parents and grandparents buying gifts with as much or more fever as in Melbourne. In the sprawling Toys R Us, parents were carrying trains, puzzles, computer games, dolls and unicycles. Despite this chaos, it was the stifling heat inside which characterised my morning. Although is was chilly outside at around 10C, inside must've been approaching 30. Everytime I, walked into a shop, I had to remove my jacket, lest the sweaty memories of the Osakan summer returned. At the end of a couple of hours, the shopping was finished for another year - I just hope the parcels arrive in Australia in time.

PM

By 6:10pm, after an afternoon of wrapping gifts and dozing under the heater, I settled on my plan for the evening meal. I made a sukiyaki-style broth then added vegetables, tofu and noodles. Despite the distinct lack of meat, it was actually very successful in terms of taste. The sugar in sukiyaki, makes it completely more-ish and probably very unhealthy but it would be unthinkable to leave it out. The night was made even better by a few episodes of Battlestar Galactica which is getting almost as addictive as the sukuyaki broth. By about 10:30pm, my drowsiness was only stifled by the  constant wailing of fire sirens outside - I'm not sure exactly where they were off to, but it seemed pretty close. Deadly fires appear to be too common in Japan.

The Toy at the End of the Rainbow

AM

Least: At about 9:40am, I unnecessarily purchased another can of Suntory Boss coffee. Today it was Rainbow Mountain Blend from Guatemala, and the stupid attraction was a toy car (right) sitting atop of the can. The coffee itself was rather disgusting, being too milky and too sweet for my tastes. The toy was more successful and had a pull-back motor - still it was totally pointless. Yesterday, I had bought a similar can with Luigi from Mario Bros. riding on top. Under no circumstances would I ever buy this in Australia. I think the marketing gimmick level is so high in Japan, that it has actually lowered my resistance to advertising. A small toy is now governing my spending patterns. Ouch.

Most: A few minutes after 9:30am, I dumped a huge bag of bottles and cans on the side of the road as I trudged up to the Family Mart. At the far end of the street I passed a Recycler on a bike who was crushing cans and piling them into one of two massive plastic sacks. By the time I had bought my overpriced breakfast materials and walked home, the Recycler had already rummaged through my bag and retrieved the aluminium cans. I noted with interest that he had left a steel-ish coffee can that I had foolishly bought during yesterdays AM (see above). The Recyclers are very often homeless men who pedal the streets collecting cans and selling them at repositories near Namba - given the effort and hours put into the exercise, I hope the man made some money for the day.

PM

Least: Between exactly 6:20pm and 7:50pm I was subjected to a most cruel torture. I sat in the same room as a student who couldn't help repeating parts of a sentence four or five times before getting it almost right. A number of times he began the five-cycle again even after finishing a sentence successfully. One of the other victims, a train conducuctrix (read below) was visibly irritated after completing her dialogues at near natural speed. Some time into the second hour, the smells started. Breath probably. I only hope I am spared the same 80 minutes of agony next Thursday. For the record, the poor guy was tickling forty-five and still living with his parents.

Most: At exactly 5:30pm, I began talking to a Nanakai train conductor. It was interesting to hear that her favourite train was the airport express and that the Rapit-B was hard work because of all of the freeloaders trying to get home early. I couldn't help asking her about her pink and grey uniform (see one her colleagues right), which I think is very becoming. She didn't like it too much, saying that the light colours allowed the uniform to get too dirty and that her hat was far too hot in summer. She was nice, and it was a real pity that she had to suffer through the next 80 minutes as I did.

Langkawi and The Case of the Missing Waitress

AM

Least: At nearly 11:00am, I foolishly turned on the TV and was not surprised to see that today's riveting installment of 'How To Make' was a repeat. I had already learned about the tatami mat making process from 'reed to room' the previous day. Like other filler shows, it had all the hallmarks of an uninteresting 30mins - bad lighting, harsh sound, long gaps in commentry and appalling music. Needless to say, I don't really appreciate the mats 'neath my feet any more than I did pre-instruction.

Most: Close to 9:30am, I woke with the faint memory of booking flights to Malaysia for the winter holidays. Near, or just after midnight, browsing flights, when on the spur of the moment Rosie and I decided to click on 'book now'. As my bleariness subsided, I began to envision a perfect, mindless tropical holiday - drinking cocktails under swaying palms. Having something to look forward to makes even the least interesting of days worth groaning through.

PM

Least: At nearly 2:15pm, Rosie and I ascended to the 8th floor of a skinny building in Shinsaibashi to El Pancho for a late lunch. We were delighted to find that the happyhour was long and made the cocktails half-price. We weren't delighted though, with the decidedly non-Japanese style service. The lone waitress didn't appear run off her feet and seemed to hide around a corner. Despite a sumimasen or two she was blissfully unaware of of need for another drink - perhaps selling half-price drinks isn't too profitable.

Most: At about 1:20pm, I parked my bike at a surprisingly convenient and free garage under LABI in Namba and strolled into the cavernous electrical wonderland. I walked past, every imaginable appliance, bridal set, camera, phone and massage device. On the fourth floor, lived the games,toys and thousands of Gundam models. It was incredible to imagine that people, children and nerds, would have vast collections of these figurines adorning their rooms. There were also enormous number of train sets and items to help recreate the world in miniature. As I left LABI Gundam-less, I noticed about ten Japanese men snoring into their chests on the massage chairs.

Beautiful Bawdy Japan

AM

Least: At about 7:10am I woke with a chicken organs and beer-related headache, and a sense that someone was walking on the roof of our building. The roof of this building is great, but only if I'm the person using it. The hour of the day, meant asking myself too many questions, all starting with 'why'. At about 7:12am I re-slept face-down and woke at 9:32am with the same aching head, but this time with numb mitteny hands. The yoga class on the searing roof had been going an hour. I watched a TV show about the manufacture of two types of hot-water-bottle.

Most: As I walked to the station at about 11:48am, I looked into the poodle-stylist to find him hard at work as usual. On most days at least two dogs are standing on his benches getting trimmed and styled with four or five more waiting in cages. The local dogs are hyper-pampered (above) and can be seen in bike baskets or peering though the designer bag of a Tezukayama Queen. The barber must be making a killing.

PM

Least: By ABOUT 3:00pm, Rosie and I had been wheeling around Namba Parks for 30 minutes looking for a craft shop. The craft shop turned out to for sewing fans and phone decorators only. During our journey we passed so many shops selling useless beauty products, bland homewares, and busy clothes, that it was easy to get lost. The shop-girls looked forlorn as they hoped for customers but at least they weren't screeching for their survival like their kin in Shinsaibashi.

Most: Close to 3:30pm, Rosie and I decided to have a look in an otaku-ish shop in Namba City. It had the usual capsule machines and thousands of models, figurines and toys from every conceivable TV show or science fiction movie. Some of the figurines though, were of weirdly proportioned women in various states of undress. I'm still wondering the purpose of those models with pubic hair, or those showing women in bondage positions. There's no accounting for taste - and Japan seems to be a particularly bawdy country.