The Secret

AM

Least: By 12:01am I had been at 39000 feet for three hours on my secret voyage to Australia. Between 12:01am and 6:30am, I sat awake, having already watched a bowdlerised version of Slumdog Millionaire and exhausted the 'entertainment' package. The view of thick typhoony cloud out the window, did little to distract me from the constant sneezing, coughing and snoring of hundreds of other 'pax', mostly Japanese. One child appeared to have a nervous cough, another flyer sneezed at a rate of 6 per-minute, while a guy across from me gurgled through his blocked nose like a perculator. It seemed impossible that so many people could be so annoying for so long. The airline food-based farting started at about 2:00am. Two out of the four toilets were functioning.

Most: At about 3:30am, our ship jetted over the Bismarck Sea and Papua New Guinea. By this time a fullish moon had made an appearance and the dead ocean finally coughed up a few lights. A few pinpricks at sea I imagined to be small islands or oil rigs and a cluster on the northern coast of PNG may have been Madang, Sio or old Finschaffen, and another may have been a giant mining operation. Either way, it was interesting to imagine the life that was spending the night down on the ground. Mostly, they were probably sleeping in darkened villages, yet to get a scrap from the minerals being taken from them by the megaton.

PM

Least: As I arrived in Melbourne at about 12:15pm to the news of a 2:00pm check-in I looked with disinterest at the same hipster uniformity that had annoyed me six months ago. In everyone's desperate quest for 'cool' people seem to be as conservative as ever - black on grey on black*. It's easier to look like a young B-Dylan when it's 11 degrees. Beards seem to be on the decline however. (*note me wearing black on grey above)

Most: As we were welcomed to the Windsor by a man in a top hat sometime after 2:15pm, Rosie and I glee'd over our six year anniversary and the success to date of our plan for a surprise visit to Melbourne. Since the 22nd of April we have been quietly being quiet about our holiday plans. An internet blackout and light misinformation campaign in July appears to have worked to cloak our intentions to crash my Mum and Sister's birthday meal in Northcote. Rosie's sister, Virginia literally collapsed in a heap at the sight of Rosie at her door on Tuesday. Tomorrow's big entry will be very interesting indeed - provided our intelligence on the party's time and location is accurate.

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Food Note:

Lowlight: The Jetstar breakfast choice number 1 was an egg and cheese roll on over-herbed bread. The soggy clot was nothing other than repulsive.

Highlight: By about 7:00pm I was delighting in the Deep-Fried Pork-Belly with Red Curry at Cookie in Swanston Street. The costly German Riesling was incredible.

The Problem With Terry

AM

Least: By about 9:48am, I was crawling through multiple TV channels in an attempt to escape Terry Ito. The problem with Terry is that he seems to be always on television. His shows are universally long and numerous -he haunts the TV for about 60 hours a month. His role seems to be to offer a sliver of class to otherwise utterly vacuous programs. He occasionally smirks and is the butt of friendly and carefully managed ribbing. He his a producer, commentator, actor and wit. Terry can be identified by his trademark candy-cane suit and hat, or when he is chillaxing, in his casual man-of-the-weekend gear. Recently his image was carefully crafted into a splat ball. Today, he did nothing of interest. I burnt my last two slices of bread.

Most: Pretty close to 8:30am, as we were watering Rosie's balcony garden, I was struck by the speed of its growth. The basil, rosemary, sage, fern, nasturtium, chilli, creeper and carrot lawn seem be growing without suffering from the numerous assaults from insects and extreme weather as experienced in Australia. The clutter from the seasons is growing at speed too - flapping fish from Spring and the tinkling bells from Summer. The hills surrounding Osaka are impenetrable with growth and power line towers and the rice paddies are greener than green. It will be interesting to see what we can grow in winter and to find out about the next item of cultural clutter.

PM

Least: Upon my return to Tezukayama at approximately 1:10pm, I discovered that the sheets that I had hung out to dry were still damp. The humidity seemed to have won the battle over heat. During the day I could see the downpours punishing the mountains toward Nara, but all we got was a blast of incredibly soupy air. That the town was built on a swamp probably doesn't help.

Most: At 12:20pm, the gentleman sitting next to me at the 'Kaiten-Zushi' took a plate carrying two raw prawns in their entirety. Normally this would not pique my interest in the slightest, but he then began sucking every last molecule of entrails from the crustacean's head. Not satisfied with mere suction, he tore open the exoskeleton and began licking. Satisfied he had been victorious, he then ate the less interesting parts of the prawns. There's no accounting for taste or a sense of one's safety. That plate cost 120yen - what else it may have cost him we will never know.

Embracing Breezes and Dodging Bullets

AM

Least: Around 7:40am, I began to feel the growing dread of my workday. This may be a particularly harsh day, given that so many of my colleagues have taken a day off and started the summer holiday early. This means that there is a long overtime list for today, and that works like a sieve, leaving the most awful shifts for the likes of me. I can already hear the earnest voice on the phone reeling off the list of classes for the day. At 11:06am I dodged a bullet with a boringly straightforward shift at Umeda (see AMPM this time last week). At least it has a spectacular view.

Most: At about 7:20am this morning I opened the sliding door of my suffocating bedroom to discover a rare and refreshing breeze. For the first time this summer I was able let the wind carry the heat and the stuffiness to bother someone else. (see the god responsible above) An vaguely interesting change in the weather, after at least a month of incredible sameness. I wonder if the cool weather will eventually arrive in the same way that the heat did - as if someone flicked a giant switch from spring to summer in an instant.

PM

Least: By 12:01pm, I was seriously wondering what to do with my huge amounts of surplus daylight time. The time between morning and work is not quite long enough to do anything much Japanesy but long enough to wish I was doing something Japanesy. Watching bad cooking shows and appallingly wigged Samurai dramas has really lost its cack value. I need a new project.

Most: As it turned out, my luncheon at about 12:40pm was the most interesting event of the PM, despite the geeks speaking brilliantly about computers and Japanese girlfriends at work. Kohyo supermarket supplied me with a delight of a meal. The Katsuo Tataki was excellent - bonito sashimi lightly seared by burning grass and drenched in lemony soy sauce. The Osaka style sushi was of mackerel, but cured and pressed onto perfect rice. Although my fishy hands and breath whiffed of otters, I loafed about for the afternoon satisfied and amazed at the quality of supermarket meals. Incredible.
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Food Note:

Highlight: A lunch of Battera sushi and Katsuo Tataki from the supermarket. If no-one was watching I would've drank the ponzu dressing.

Pancakes and Hiragana in August

AM

Least: By about 11:20am the daily thought that my knowledge of Japanese is appalling, pricked my conscience. I signed on to Smart FM and found that I hadn't studied in weeks. It told me to study fifty items today rather than the usual thirty. I should've learnt hiragana in February, but it's August and I still walk around like Miffy with no mouth and nothing to say.

Most: Near enough to 10:15am, I constructed some pancakes for breakfast in lieu of sugary Japanese bread. The box of Morinaga pancake mix never fails, possibly due to the cartoon instructions on the back. When the pancakes are smiling, they are ready to hit the plate. But in case you get stuck - you can watch the instructional video.

PM

Least: I returned home at about 10:18pm with a bag of garbage incinerator fuel from Family Mart to a chilly reception. The airconditioning had been left on all day, cooling, furniture, crockery, tatami mats, curtains and books. Thankfully, the TV tells me from time to time that nuclear power is incredibly safe and environmentally friendly. The electricity bill will tell me that it's expensive too.

Most: At about 10:05pm, I looked up and saw the the sky was incredibly clear tonight. The seemed to have a few more pixels that that factory haze normally allows. The thickish veil of smog that often invades the senses, smell a lot like burning garbage or a house that is aflame. If only the clear sky meant a cool crisp night.

The Irony of Ironing Non-Iron Shirts

AM

Least: Between 10:40am and about 10:55am, I sweated through the ironing of three non-iron shirts. The thin, chemical fabric is supposed to breathe and allow the lucky wearer to airily breeze through the day without fear of sweat-through. Even wearing a breathier undershirt, the sweat still beads on my forearms reaching the surface layer in an instant. Sometimes, I look as though I may have been washing dishes. I'd wear a short-sleeve shirt, but with a tie, I think I look like someone who's come to fix the photocopier.

Most: Somewhere around 11:50am, I went on my almost daily stroll up to the Family Mart. Today there were two queues of tradesmen. All were in the strict uniform of a flannel do-rag and massively inflated pants. As usual they had cleaned out the refrigerated shelves of food so I settled for a tray of egg-laden sushi and inari. I completed my lunch with some red miso soup with a couple of pipi-sized clams lurking in the bottom. It will be interesting to see how many of the next 9 hours the feed will fuel me for.

PM

Least: Between 3:45pm and 8:00pm, I fell victim once again to the global financial crisis. With so many teachers around and slightly less students, doing 'light office work' can rule for hours. Today it was in Kishiwada adding promotional materials to packets of tissues. It is incredibly common to be offered tissues on the street, but incredibly uncommon to see people emptying their noses in public. The underbelly of the recession is pretty far from interesting - especially when it's happening to me.

Most: Relieved of my working duties at 9:35pm, I legged it to the station to find that I'd missed the express train to Tengachaya. The next best, and more interesting option was to board the Rapi:t B for an extra 500yen. The Rapi:t B is a very interesting and fast machine. It has the face or a 1970s anime robot and the innards of the inside of a sleazy private jet from the same decade. The internet tells me that the Nankai 5000 series were designed by an architect with the design theme 'Outdated Future' and began rolling in 1995.

"Please don't mention the airconditioner..."

AM

Least: By about 12:40am, Rosie and I had been standing in the rain outside a Family Mart in America Mura for 30 minutes. It was time to leave. Although quite drunk, I found the wettening of my clothes very disheartening. No gen X'er or Y'er seems to have the inclination to lead, so our party was stranded in the rain. I wonder how long they stood there?

Most: By 12:50am, Rosie and I skulked away to Jokerman (file photo above), just a block way from the abovementioned watery delay. The barman was drinking with his girlfriend and was soon arguing with her about buying a new air-conditioner. Despite the mad decision to keep drinking, Jokerman was great as usual. By some amazing co-incidence, the barman seems to share my musical taste. A while ago, during some 1970s Bob Dylan song, he asked - 'Do you like Brutal Truth?' Every time we visit, he plays 'Walking Corpse' as we pay the bill and say goodnight. It's like he has turned my ipod into a bar. I ate beef jerky and oily sardines. They are now adding a certain flavour to my severe hangover.

PM

Least: At 2:42pm, Rosie and I walked down the fights of stairs in an attempt to catch the next train. By risking the illegal parking at the station we could've just made it. Unfortunately our bikes weren't where we predicted. They were already at the station and had been since approximately 6:45pm yesterday. Thankfully they hadn't been taken by the local authorities to their lair for ransom. This time we were lucky. We gave up on catching the train.

Most: By 8:15pm, I was dozing to one of the only palatable shows on TV. A comedian dressed as a schoolgirl with very thick eyebrows travels the world getting into awkward and dangerous situations. Tonight she was marathon training in Kenya, chasing dust storms with a dust-based Mona Lisa and being engulfed by a swarm of bees while collecting honey. The video shows Ayako Imoto vs. various animals - see if she outruns the cheetah!

Tezukayama-Wakayama-Tezukayama-Juso-Shinsaibashi

AM

Least: Soon after 10:05am as I blurred toward Wakayama city, I concluded that the train trip was becoming the least interesting part of my morning. The scenery, the people protecting seats, the scent of the toilet, the nervous couples, the father drinking beer, the pivoting conductor, the onions hanging in the sheds, the rice paddies, the tunnels, the filthy rivers, the nationalist van, the company dormitories, the ageing express trains, the guy missing his stop and the sleeping office girls all make an appearance every Saturday and today began fading into the background static of a long commute to work.

Most: At 7:20am, I remembered that by some small miracle, it was casual day at work. The drones' clothes of suit-pants, a shirt, tie and black shoes could take a day off. At work, I felt and looked human, rather than like a lightly detailed character in a diagram of an office. I was amazed to feel such a strong change simply through a small change of routine in a country full of routines.

PM

Least: Arriving home at close to 6:30pm, it became obvious that I would have time to sit and relax for a minute. Rosie and I were scheduled to meet some acquaintances somewhere underground at 7:00pm. We found them and walked around for 40 minutes looking for a place to eat (see foodnote below).

Most: Some time around 9:40pm, we arrived at a housewarming party at a big white building, past the Mos Burger and Family Mart, past the overpass in Juso. Twenty-five or thirty people were crammed into the flat for a night of drunken revelry. My giant cans of The Premium Malts were just about empty when Rosie began waving at the bicycle police from the 9th Floor Balcony. Minutes later they were knocking on the door. I assume they told the hosts that the party was too noisy and un-Japanese. 10 minutes late were were out, crawling towards Shinsaibashi. I forgot my umbrella.

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Foodnote:


Lowlight: By pointing randomly to the menu I ordered a rice slurry, topped with a raw egg and slivers of nori. Incredibly punishing but at least it was hot.