Surprise

AM

Least: At about 11:25am I was sitting in Don Vincenzo eating breakfast. The chatter of other breakfasters was far more annoying than the chatter suffered in Japan. Being back in Melbourne, I can understand what people around me are saying. Eavesdropping is usually uninteresting and I prefer being left to my own thoughts in the fuzzy static of Japan.

Most: At about 10:40am, I boarded a tram towards Fitzroy. The tram was populated with the usual kind of shop-girl, hipster and boomer but also a cheerful chromer huffing into his bag of blue paint. The fact that no-one blinked on the tram says something interesting about Melbourne - were people scared, too cool or just non-plussed?. I wonder how a paint sniffer with an imaginary friend would go down in Osaka?

PM

Least: At 12:40am, I stepped out of a taxi into the whiter than white Northcote and walked into the Northcote Social Club intending to gatecrash a family gathering. No-one was there, not even a distant relative. A phone call full of weather-related lies later, I stood and waited for another taxi. Rosie mused that Northcote used to be more like Oakleigh and more interesting. What middle-class white people like, middle-class white people get- blandness.

Most: Not long after 1:00pm, and after an abortive attempt in Northcote, Rosie and I walked into the Carringbush Hotel in Abbotsford to surprise my family. The wild reaction proved that out secretive preparations had been very successful. As the tears flowed, questions were asked about how we pulled off such an amazing stunt. I ordered a steak and chips and necked a couple of Carlton Draughts not one kilometre from the brewery.